Grace Connecting: Exposure without Rejection
The Big Idea: You’re reading Part Two of a series designed to equip you with five biblical counseling skills using the acrostic GRACE. Read Part One: How to Care Like Christ. Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.
What Grace Connecting Requires: Romans 5:6-8
Grace connection requires exposure without rejection, truth with relationship, curiosity rather than analysis, and face-to-face relating instead of back-to-back professionalism. Christ models exposure without rejection in Romans 5:6-8. “While we were yet sinners” (exposure). “Christ died for us” (acceptance). Grace connection communicates, “I see you warts and all, and I still love you, accept you, like you, and move toward you.”
Paul models truth with relationship in Ephesians 4:15. He tells us that the essence of pastoral care involves speaking and living out the truth in love. Consider possible ways to do ministry:
• Truth Minus Relationship: Intimidation/Compliance
• Relationship Minus Truth: Indecision/Confusion
• Truth Plus Relationship: Internalization/Conformity to Christ
Jesus models curiosity versus analysis. At the end of John 2, John notes that Jesus knew all people universally and deeply. Yet, he did not allow his full knowledge to blind him to the uniqueness of individuals. Following John 2, Jesus engages two of the most diverse individuals imaginable: the Jewish male moral religious leader and the Samaritan female immoral irreligious follower. Reread both accounts and you’ll see his respect for each. His probing curiosity. His unique interactions and involvement.
Analysis views your spiritual friend as “a specimen” to be dissected, analyzed, and studied. Curiosity sees your spiritual friend as an image bearer to be experienced, a mystery to enter, and a soul to know.
We would all do well to tape the following prayer somewhere in our “counseling” office. Or better, somewhere in our soul.
The Spiritual Friend’s Prayer: “Dear Lord, Help me to approach every relationship as an audience with an eternally valuable human being.”
In John 3-4, Jesus models face-to-face relating instead of back-to-back professionalism. He enters their individual worlds. He goes where they are, both geographically and soulfully. He becomes a cartographer of their soul, exploring their personal terrain.
With the woman at the well, in particular, he exposes his humanness. He’s authentic, open, vulnerable, and honest. He connects, touches, and moves toward. He’s anything but surface, fake, phony, uncaring, and distancing.
Building a Connected Spiritual Friendship: Galatians 6:1
How do you develop connected relationships? Exploring how not to develop grace relationships begins to answer that question.
How Not to Build Grace Connections: Job 16:2
Job accused his “friends” of being “miserable comforters.” The word “miserable” means troublesome, vexing, and sorrow-causing. They were the opposite of “comforters”—they were not consoling, sympathetic; they did not feel deeply Job’s hurt. They never said or conveyed in any way, “It’s normal to hurt.”
Instead of grace connecting, they practiced condemning distancing. Read the verses below and notice examples of their poor relational abilities flowing out of their poor theology (Job 42:7) and their cold hearts:
1. Superiority: Job 5:8; 8:2; 11:2-12; 12:1-3; 15:7-17
“We’re better than you. You’re inferior to us.”
2. Judgmentalism: Job 4:4-9; 15:2-6
“It’s not normal to hurt! Your suffering is due to your sinning!”
3. Advice without Insight/Discernment: Job 5:8; 8:5-6; 11:13-20; 42:7
“Here’s what I would do if I were you.” “Do this and life’s complexities will melt away.” “I have the secret that will fix your situation.” They offered quick, trite advice. They were rescuers, answer men, and cliché makers.
The Rest of the Story
I know, you want to scream, “Don’t stop now! Not with what not to do!” Sorry. But come on back for Part Three: How to Build Grace Connections.
Join the Conversation
How would your relationships change if you prayed The Spiritual Friend’s Prayer? “Dear Lord, Help me to approach every relationship as an audience with an eternally valuable human being.”
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