What Causes Our Fights and Quarrels?

It’s so easy to think of how big or small my slice of the pie is compared to the next person. Sadly, we bring that same competitive, hoarding spirit into the work of the Spirit. That’s true regarding the Spirit’s work in our marriages and it’s true regarding the Spirit’s work in our ministries.

An Inspired Question

James said it well (actually, he said it perfectly well since he said it under the Spirit’s inspiration) in James 4:1-4. James asks the age-old question:

“What causes the fights and quarrels among you?”

What causes the fights and quarrels among husbands and wives? What causes the fights and quarrels among church members? What causes the fights and quarrels between various counseling “groups”?

James offers God’s answer to any with ears to hear; to any with the wisdom and humility to listen.

“Don’t they come out from the desires that battle (soldier) within you? You desire but you have not. When you don’t get what you want, you kill and covet—you retaliate and manipulate, and yet that still doesn’t get you what you want. So you quarrel and you fight some more—the vicious spiral spirals ever deeper.”

When we imagine life as a competition, then everyone else is, of course, our competitor. When our image of life is a war, then everyone else is, of course, our enemy. When we see life as a finite pie, then everyone else is racing against us for their slice of our pie.

A Supposedly Inspiring Answer

The world has a solution—compete smarter, fight better, race faster. To the victor goes the spoils. To the winner goes the crown.

Of course, the world’s solution is based upon the world’s angle. From the small angle of small minds looking at what seems to be a finite, small world, there’s only so much “stuff” out there. I have to demand my share of the finite stuff. The one with the most toys wins.

Some how this line of “reasoning” is supposed to inspire us. And inspire it does—it inspires a me-against-you, an us-against-them mentality. If the “victor” gets the “spoils” in a marriage, then what does the “loser” get? If my “side” of the church squabble “wins,” then what does the “losing side” end up with? If my “camp” in the seemingly never-ending “counseling wars” “wins,” then what does that leave the other “camps” with?

I’m sorry, but even as fleshly as I can be, I am decreasingly inspired by this “hoard the wealth” mindset.

An Eternally and Daily Inspiring Answer

Forget the world’s answer to a worldly problem. Consider God’s answer.

“You have not, because you do not humbly ask God. You have not, because even when you do ask, you ask with selfish motives—in order that in the pleasures of YOU, you may squander.”

When we assume that God is a Hoarder and that His universe has a finite supply of “stuff,” then even when we think to ask God for “stuff,” even “ministry stuff” (like a “better marriage,” a “bigger church,” a “ministry with larger impact”), then in God’s eyes (and His eyes are the only ones that matter), our motives are selfish.

God does not care about our agendas. God cares about our getting on board with His agenda. God does not focus on our kingdom building. God focuses on our building His Kingdom.

If I think that God is a Hoarder and His universe has a finite supply of the stuff I think I need, then I demand my share (more than your share!) of His limited stuff.

In marriage, I demand my share of being “right,” my share of my “needs being met,” my share of “satisfaction.” In church conflict, I demand my share of putting you “in your place,” my share of the “congregation’s trust.” In counseling wars, I demand my “market share” of “followers,” I demand my slice of the people-pie saying, “I am of your group!”

How immature. How childish. How sinful. How worldly. How adulterous!

“Adulteresses!” James labels us.

“Don’t you know that loving the world’s way means hating God and God’s way? Anyone who chooses to befriend the mindset of the cosmos, chooses to be God’s enemy! Repent! Draw near to God! He gives ever more grace!”

God Is a Grace Rewarder, Not a Hoarder

God’s supply is never exhausted. His supply of grace is infinite. God is a grace Rewarder. Those who come to Him, the author of Hebrews reminds us, must believe that He exists, and that he generously, graciously rewards those who diligently, humbly seek Him.

In the beginning of our fallen cosmos, Satan schemed to deceive our spiritual parents into believing the unspiritual lie that God was a “Shalt-Not-God.” “God,” Satan whispers then and now, “is a Hoarder and His supply is limited. Grab the fruit of the tree now before someone else exhausts His limited supply.”

“God,” the Spirit whispers in His still, small voice then and now, “so loves the world that He gave infinitely—He gave His only begotten Son that whosever believes shall not perish but shall have everlasting life.”

“God,” the Son whispers in His authoritative, loving voice then and now, “so loves the world that He gives infinitely. That’s why I came—to give you everlasting life and ever-expanding life—abundant life. Spoiling and spilling over life—not so you could consume it on your own lust, but so you could share it out of the overflow of my Father’s infinite supply!”

So What? What’s It About?

Since God is a generous grace Rewarder who showers us with everlasting life and ever-expanding life (eternal life and abundant life) . . . so . . . we give. So . . . we mimic His giving, His sharing.

So, in our marriages, we are not competing for a limited supply of who is right or who is satisfied or whose needs are met. We are working together to advance God’s Kingdom of giving to others out of the overflow of God’s infinite love working in and through us.

So, in our churches, we are not competing with the other “faction” for a finite supply of whose style of music or style of preaching or style of leadership or style of youth ministry or style of carpet wins the day. We are working together to win the lost and equip the found so that God’s eternal, expanding is advanced in and through us.

So, in our “counseling wars,” we are not contending against rivals to see who will shout, “I am of Paul, I am of Apollos, I am of Cephas!” We are building bridges and working together to say, “We are of Christ—the infinite God who has generously graced us with forgiveness and with resources that are everlasting and ever-expanding so we minister in humble harmony learning from each other, empowering each other, respecting each other—so that the Body of Christ dances to the eternal song of the Trinity.”

It’s not about market share. It’s about sharing the mark of the Trinity—the eternal Community of mutual admiration and adoration. The everlasting Community of overflowing goodness and oneness. The infinite Community of equality and mutuality.

Join the Conversation

Where does the Christian community need to quit competing and start serving?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Christian Living, James 4, Marriage, Ministry

Review of: Helpful Truth in Past Places: The Puritan Practice of Biblical Counseling

Note: This review first appeared on the Gospel Coalition review site.

Book Details

• Author: Mark Deckard

• Publisher: Mentor/Christian Focus Publications (2010) (208 Pages)

• Category: Church History, Biblical Counseling, Puritans

• ISBN: 978-1-84550-545-5

• Retail Price: $19.99 (Amazon Site)

Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., LCPC, is the Founder and CEO of RPM Ministries. Bob has pastored three churches, chaired the MA in Christian Counseling and Discipleship department at Capital Bible Seminary, and is the author of five books: Soul Physicians, Spiritual Friends, Beyond the Suffering, Sacred Friendships, and God’s Healing for Life’s Losses.

As an author and reviewer, occasionally I review a book where I think, “Now that’s a book I wish I had authored.” Helpful Truth in Past Places is such a book because it combines the timeless truth of historical theology with solid application for life and ministry today.

From the outset, author Mark Deckard crystallizes the importance of this book.

“The Puritans were masters at understanding the nature of human beings and applying Scripture in practical ways to help people with their struggles and problems. In the truest sense of the word they were psychologists, students of the inner person, before there ever was a field of secular psychology” (p. 9).

Indeed, the Puritans were soul physicians and spiritual friends who understood biblical answers to life’s three core questions. Who are people (creation)? Why do they struggle (fall)? What has God provided to help with those problems (redemption)?

In the able hands of Deckard, the Puritan pastor-theologians have much to offer believers today who desire to practice truly biblical counseling. As Tim Keller notes, the “Puritans practiced sanctification by theology rather than by psychology” (p. 11).

Deckard does a fine job briefly introducing the Puritans. In particular, he describes their ability to combine being students of the Word with being students of people. Like the Apostle Paul, they blended Scripture and soul (1 Thessalonians 2:8), truth and love (Ephesians 4:15) relationship and insight (Philippians 1:9-11).

Understanding that there is no way to cover comprehensively every Puritan, Deckard wisely selects seven representative ministers and seeks to read them “with the specific question of biblical counseling in mind” (p. 15). He explores John Flavel and the question of the mystery of providence; Jeremiah Burroughs and anxiety; John Own and mortification of sin; John Bunyan and the sense of alienation and isolation; Jonathan Edwards and affections and emotions; William Bridge and depression; and Thomas Brooks and “devil craft” (spiritual warfare).

In each case, the authors wrote not out of theory but out of lived experience. For example, when Flavel wrote on why God allows suffering, he approached his question as one who lost three wives, lost an unborn child, experienced the tragic loss of his parents, and endured ministry exile.

Flavel’s application of Scripture to life is also illustrative of methods used by the other six Puritan soul physicians. When addressing questions about the providence of God, Flavel did not simply and shallowly quote Romans 8:28 about God working all things together for good. Rather, he would engage his parishioners and readers in lengthy, in-depth interactions about extended biblical passages, such as the life of Joseph in Genesis 36-50 and the life of Esther.

Flavel also urges meditation upon such biblical truths. It is the duty of God’s people to “meditate upon these performances of providence for them, at all times, but especially in times of difficulty and trouble.” But Flavel does not leave his readers to guess how to do so. He spells out several principles or “methods” to make his exhortation practical and relevant.

For Flavel and for Jeremiah Burroughs, such principles were not quick solutions or ten easy steps. As Deckard says of Burroughs’ approach to contentment:

“Contentment can be found in Christ but as an art it must be experienced, learned, and utilized in those struggles as a larger goal beyond the relief of the struggle itself. The emphasis on mystery helps to push us back to how God works and away from the more mechanistic (follow the ten logical steps!) approaches that we try to devise for solving problems” (p. 49).

John Owen is typical of the other six authors studied and of all Puritan pastors. Whether in writing, teaching, the pulpit ministry, or house-to-house visitation, ministry was concerned above all else with the twin goals of the glory of God and the spiritual welfare of his people.

In his concluding thoughts on Owen’s ministry of helping people to mortify sin, Deckard does an excellent job helping pastors and counselors to ponder how to apply these truths today, especially to a world/culture where sin is minimized. At times, with some of the other authors, Deckard offered less of this “how might we apply this today?” In an otherwise excellent book, this is one area that could have been strengthen—helping readers to think through how Christ’s changeless truth, as practiced by the Puritans, could relate to our changing times.

Another approach that might have given this fine book additional impact could have been the inclusion of sample letters of spiritual counsel and/or accounts of personal ministry. Deckard’s choice to emphasize books allowed for great insight into a theology of Puritan biblical counseling. However, lacking specific Puritan letters of spiritual counsel or accounts of personal ministry (which are available) made it more difficult to glean how these Puritan authors, in the one-to-one personal ministry of the Word, might have related to their parishioners, and how they might have related God truth’s to their specific daily life issues.

Still, Helpful Truth in Past Places is a very valuable addition to the growing literature on the history of biblical counseling, soul care, and spiritual direction. It helps us to think theologically about suffering and sin. It encourages us with the truth that God’s Word is sufficient, relevant, and profound. For this reviewer, it accomplished the goal Deckard set for it, “it will hopefully encourage believers to revisit these and other Puritan writers in order to be better equipped in their ministry of helping others” (p. 9).

If you doubt this, then start at the end of Deckard’s book and work backwards. In the Conclusion, Deckard lists nearly three dozen applications of Puritan truths to counseling problems people face today. Truly the Puritans offer us helpful truth in past places.

Join the Conversation

How important is it to base our present ministry models on insights from church history?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Book Review, Christian Focus, Helpful Truth in Past Places, Mark Deckard, Puritans

Review of Psychology in the Spirit: Part 2

Note: This is Part 2 of a three-part review of John Coe and Todd Hall’s Psychology in the Spirit. It was originally posted at the Gospel Coalition Review site. Read Part 1.

Reflections on the Theory of Transformational Psychology

At the theoretical level, there are important questions to ponder about Coe and Hall’s proposal that we can glean facts about values from facts about creation. A few such sample questions for further exploration include:

1. Depravity and Gleaning Values from Creation (The Fallenness of the Observer): What is the impact of the fall and human depravity on the ability of the unregenerate person to glean facts and make applications from observation and reflection? Coe and Hall conclude that there is “biblical justification for dialogue with the unbeliever and their partially distorted views” (p. 93). Because, “Fallen human beings retain the image of God and, thus, retain their human nature and capacity-ability (though partly corrupted) to discern what is natural and good from what is unnatural and bad” (p. 164). Is this a robust enough understanding of depravity as it relates to the fallen mind’s ability or inability to understand truth about wise, successful living in a fallen world (see point 2 below)?

2. Corruption and Gleaning Values from Creation (The Corruption of the Things Observed): Even for the regenerate sage, what are the implications and potential limitations of observations and reflections on a fallen planet where “things are not the way they are supposed to be”? As Dallas Willard notes about secular psychology, “For those who must rely upon a strictly secular viewpoint for insight, such questions are especially tough. Why? Because we do in fact live in a world in ruins. We do not exist now in the element for which we were designed. So in light of that truth, it’s essentially impossible to determine our nature by observation alone, because we are only seen in a perpetually unnatural position” (Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines, p. 45). How trustworthy is the information gleaned from reflections on the human condition in a fallen world?

3. Depth and Gleaning Values from Creation: What level of depth of insight about life issues does the wisdom literature genre support? How robust and sophisticated can we expect generalized observations about life to be? Beyond common sense natural law and proverbial thinking about cause and effect, how would one develop comprehensive models of healthy living? What might someone anticipate finding in their observations from creation that they would not find more richly nuanced in Scripture—given Scripture’s inspiration, inerrancy, propositional form, and specific purpose of revealing God’s truth for godly living for God’s glory?

4. Prescriptive Confidence and Gleaning Values from Creation: Once we reflect upon generalized principles from creation, how confidently prescriptive can we be? Job’s miserable counselors observed the general principle that God blesses His faithful servants. However, apart from God’s special revelation (contained in the first two chapters and the final chapter of the book and a theology of suffering contained throughout the Bible), their prescriptive counsel was unbiblical and unloving.

Join the Conversation

Of the four reflections, which do you think is most important, why, and how would you respond?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Book Review, John Coe, Psychology in the Spirit, Todd Hall

Mark Tubbs’ Discerning Reader Blog-Through of Soul Physicians

A Book for Every Pastor, Every Counselor, and Every Christian: Part 2, Act One

Note: Mark Tubbs, the Editor of the Discerning Reader Christian book review site, posted the following review of Soul Physicians on May 24, 2010. (For Part 1, click here).

Excerpt: In what is probably the finest biblical exposition of the creation, fall, and evil activity of Lucifer I have read thus far, Bob “puts flesh” on this pitiful but powerful creature of overweening self-love and deadly pride.

Act One: Love’s Eternity

In the opening chapter of Act One, chapter four of Bob Kellemen’s magnum opus Soul Physicians, Bob takes us behind the scenes, as it were, to behold divine love’s fountainhead: the eternal inter-relationship existing between the persons of our Triune God.

In the Prologue, which I blogged about last month, Bob set the stage for the narrative we find ourselves following in Act One by introducing us to the main characters in the history of the universe. Bob’s point in weaving this narrative, besides drawing us into a greater love for God Himself, is the practical application of biblical truth in biblical counseling. In other words, putting the implications of the gospel into practice in everyday life.

The preface to Act One, subtitled “Love’s Eternality – Community,” outlines the path taken in the next four chapters. Long before sin, long before Satan, long before us, the Trinity existed in harmonious transcendence. Here is a helpful couplet:

o In the beginning God Created

o Before the beginning God Related

I don’t care what you say (well, I do, but I like the expression), that’s a fresh and memorable way to express God’s pre-creation activity. Proposing that too many biblical counselors start off on the wrong foot by either using sin or redemption, Bob suggests “that we construct a biblical counseling method that begins before the beginning.” He goes on:

I suggest we build our model of Christian counseling on the foundation of the Triune relationship that existed before the foundations of the earth. If we are going to learn spiritual friendship, then let’s look to the ultimate Spiritual Friend and the eternal Spiritual Friendship: the Trinity.

Chapters five and six are straightforward but rich. The former mines the biblical data for God’s attributes and presents them in superlative, glowing terms. The latter introduces God’s adversary, known in this book as False Seducer. In what is probably the finest biblical exposition of the creation, fall, and evil activity of Lucifer I have read thus far, Bob “puts flesh” on this pitiful but powerful creature of overweening self-love and deadly pride.

Finally, chapter seven contrasts False Seducer’s strategies with those of God Himself. Bob is at his best when providing fresh insights into familiar biblical texts using helpful and accurate explanation and exegesis. And true to form, the adept and articulate biblical counselor that he is, Bob rounds out Act One with a real-life counseling scenario that demonstrates the theological, “theoretical” content of the previous four chapters. This is sure to become a go-to passage for any pastor or counselor who can commit its general structure to memory.

I enjoyed 99% of the material in this section of Soul Physicians. I could do without the image of the Trinity engaging in heavenly hugs and hi-fives, but this may be more a reflection on my mere thirty-something years of life than anything else. I still maintain, as I mentioned in my blog on the Prologue, that this is a book for every pastor, every counselor, and indeed, every Christian.

Buy Soul Physicians directly from Bob Kellemen here at a significant discount.

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Book Review, Discerning Reader, Mark Tubbs, Soul Physicians

What Is Gospel-Centered Biblical Counseling?

Friday, May 21, from 7-9 PM, leaders from five biblical/Christian counseling organizations gather to explore The Gospel and Scripture in Biblical Counseling and Soul Care. Hosted by Jeremy Lelek and the Association of Biblical Counselors, the symposium participants include:

• Dr. Mike Emlet: The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation

• Dr. Eric Johnson: The Society of Christian Psychologists and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

• Dr. Bob Kellemen: The Association of Biblical Counselors, Capital Bible Seminary, and RPM Ministries

• Elyse Fitzpatrick: Women Helping Women Ministries

• Dr. Steve Viars: Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries and the National Association of Christian Counselors

This historic symposium, held at Christ Chapel in Fort Worth, Texas, is part of the ABC’s annual national conference. This year’s theme is: The Gospel Revolution: Rediscovering the Power of the Cross. The conference’s purpose is to teach a new generation of Christians how to effectively apply the Gospel of the Cross to the real issues of everyday life.

The five symposium participants will discuss the following questions:

• How significant is the Gospel in the work of counseling? Why?

• As a counselor, what aspect of the Gospel stands out to you most in terms of its applicability to counseling and the Christian life? What are practical examples?

• How significant is the Gospel in the process of change? Why?

• How is the Gospel applicable to severe habitual or chronic struggles (i.e., addiction, cutting, racing thoughts, depression)?

• Has the Gospel been overshadowed by the self-help movement in our culture?

• In your view are seminaries effectively training pastoral students to apply the Gospel in a practical way that would be helpful in a counseling context? What about counseling programs in the Christian university?

• How can Christian leaders in counseling and psychology work together to ensure the Bible and the Gospel remain the central to the philosophy and work of counseling and not simply a side note or filter?

• A Brief Case Study: How do you actually apply the Gospel to real life?

Join the Conversation

How significant is the Gospel in the work of counseling?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Gospel-Centered, Symposium

Love and Truth Must Kiss

Note: We’re enjoying a blog mini-series on The Resume of a Spiritual Friend as we ask, “If you want to help your struggling friend, what qualities do you need to develop in order to care like Christ?” In Post 1, we saw the “4Cs” of Romans 15:14 (character, content, competence, and community). In Post 2, we learned that to care like Christ we need to become like Christ. Today we learn about the “C” of biblical content.

“Complete in Knowledge”

When the Apostle Paul talks about loving character, is he implying that the best spiritual friend is the “touchy-feely” person who never dedicates himself or herself to serious study of the Scripture? Not at all. Remember that God calls us to love Him with our minds, with our brains. That’s why Paul lists “complete in knowledge” as the second qualification on the spiritual friend’s résumé.

“Complete” does not mean that we’re walking biblical encyclopedias with absolute knowledge of all theological truth. Only God has encyclopedic knowledge of all things actual and possible. Instead, by “complete” Paul means that we’re so filled with God’s Word that it claims our entire being and stamps our whole life, conduct, attitude, and relationships. We’re captured by God’s truth.

What sort of knowledge does Paul emphasize? He could have chosen any of several words that highlight content or factual knowledge alone. However, Paul chooses a word for knowledge (gnoseos) that highlights the combination of fact and implication. Paul’s word focuses upon insight and wisdom—the wisdom to relate truth to relationships.

Powerful spiritual friends apply God’s Word first to their own relationships. They also have the insight to see how God’s Word relates to their friend’s relationships. Additionally, they have the biblical vision to see how God is relating to their friend. They have discernment to see life from God’s perspective.

The Spiritual Friend’s Prayer

In Philippians 1:9-11, Paul develops his philosophy of gospel ministry. It is the spiritual friend’s prayer.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Notice Paul’s coupling of truth and love. For him, ministry is never either/or—either we are loving, touchy-feely, heart people, or we are scholarly, academic, head people. Rather, ministry is both/and—we unite head and heart, love and truth in our personal ministry of the Word. Truth and love kiss.

When our love abounds more and more in knowledge, the result is insight—the ability to help our spiritual friends to discern not simply what is good, but what is best in their situation. This kissing of love and truth flows through us when we are people of character, and it develops deepened Christlike character in those to whom we minister.

Signs

In Signs, Mel Gibson plays a minister, Graham Hess, who has lost his faith. As the movie unfolds, we slowly learn why. His wife was killed while taking a late-night stroll along a country road near their farm. Called to the scene, the police chief informs Graham that his wife has only minutes to live. Leaning close to her mangled body that’s trapped between a truck and a tree, he hears her whisper final words—words about both their children, about him, and about his brother, Merrill. Concerning Merrill she utters the cryptic phrase, “Tell him to swing away.”

Turning from church and God, Graham tells Merrill, “‘Swing away’ was nothing more than the chance collision of random synapses bringing to mind a stored memory of your failed baseball career.” Graham’s cynicism only worsens as the plot thickens. Signs—crop circles—mysteriously appear on his farm. Inexplicably they begin to appear all around the world.

When foreboding ships hover over major cities across the globe, Merrill asks Graham for words of consolation and hope. The best Graham can do, at this point, is explain two possible ways to view life. “You can look at any sign either as some plan laid out and purposed by God, finding hope in the mysterious, seeing what others cannot see, trusting that God is active. Or, you can see signs simply as the hand that fate dealt you, deal with it, run from it, whatever. But it is nothing but chance.”

In the fitting finale, aliens invade Graham’s home. No weapon in sight, Graham remembers the prophecy given by his wife, “Tell Merrill to swing away.” Looking just beyond Merrill’s shoulder, Graham sees Merrill’s baseball bat, a trophy from his batting championship. “Swing away, Merrill. Swing away!” Graham yells. Merrill does. The alien falls. Water—water from cups left by Graham’s daughter who was afraid of contamination—spills on the creature, killing it, contaminated by life-giving water. Yet another sign shared by Graham’s wife.

Biblical counselors read the signs—not cryptic signs from a movie, but God’s perspective from inspired Scripture. They discern the activity of God in their spiritual friend’s life. They understand something of God’s behind-the-scenes activity. They are able to relate the mystery of Christ’s gospel of grace to the minutia of daily life.

Spiritual friends read the signs because they read the Scriptures. They are filled with the conviction that God knows what he’s talking about. They’re convinced that God’s Word is sufficient for human needs. They’re filled with biblical content about people, problems, and solutions—from God’s perspective.

This aspect of spiritual friendship is so vital, so foundational, that I devoted an entire book—Soul Physicians—to a detailed exploration and explanation of God’s truth about life. Spiritual Friends builds upon the groundwork laid in Soul Physicians.

The Rest of the Story

As we grow in our Christlikeness (character) and in our personal knowledge of God’s Word (content), then we are ready to be equipped to minister (competence)—the focus of our next post.

Join the Conversation

How would your life and ministry change if you prayed the spiritual friend’s prayer (Phil. 1:9) every day?

Note: Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Soul Physicians, Spiritual Friends

Competent to Counsel: Character Counts

If you want to help your struggling friend, what qualities do you need to develop in order to care like Christ? Yesterday we viewed the biblical answer to that question. “I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14). In this verse and the surrounding context, we discover the “4C Résumé of a Spiritual Friend”:

• Character: “Full of Goodness”

• Content/Conviction: “Complete in Knowledge”

• Competence: “Competent to Instruct One Another”

• Community: “Brothers”

Loving Like Jesus: Reflecting Christ—“Full of Goodness”

Is Paul saying that Christians who are far from Christ and unable to relate their way out of a paper bag are powerful spiritual friends? Of course not. Powerful spiritual friends have résumés with “full of goodness” as the first qualification, the first piece of evidence, that Paul accentuates.

“Goodness” is the same word Paul uses in Galatians 5:22-23 as one of the nine aspects of the fruit of the Spirit. When I first read Romans 15:14, I wondered why Paul would pick the fruit of goodness. Why not love, joy, peace, or any other fruit of the Spirit?

So, I explored goodness. The Old Testament highlights the basic confession that God is good because his love endures forever (1 Chronicles 16:34). It also emphasizes that our good God does good (Exodus 18:9). That is, he displays his goodness in active social relationships.

Further, I noted Christ’s statement that only God is good (Matthew 19:17). Then I noticed the equation of goodness and godliness with god-like-ness—with Christlikeness (Matthew 5:43-48; Ephesians 2:10; Colossians 1:10). In each of these passages, goodness displays itself in active, grace-oriented relationships, as when our good Father causes his sun to shine upon and his rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous.

William Hendriksen, in his commentary on Galatians, explains that goodness is a virtue that reveals itself in social relationships, in our various contacts and connections with others. Theologian Walter Gundmann demonstrates that biblical goodness always reveals itself in relational contexts through undeserved kindness.

So, in Romans 15:14, Paul is talking about Christlike character that relates with grace. Paul’s teaching us that the powerful minister is the person who relates well, who connects deeply, who is compassionate, and who has the ability to develop intimate, grace relationships.

• The powerful spiritual friend reflects the ultimate Spiritual Friend, Jesus.

• We are powerful to the degree that we love like Jesus.

In discussing goodness, Paul uses the modifier “full.” It pictures a net that breaks due to the stress and tension of too much weight and a cup that is so full that its contents spill over. Paul pictures mature love and godly character flowing through Christ to us, then spilling over from us into our spiritual friend’s life.

To the degree that you and I relate more and more like Jesus Christ, to the degree that we love like Jesus loves, to the degree that our relationships are as lovely as Christ’s were, to that degree we will be powerful spiritual friends. The person who is good at relating, is the person whose words and actions have powerful impact.

Do you love your struggling friend or family member? Do you long to help them effectively and powerfully? Then start by developing Christlike character. That’s where you power is. Become more like Christ so you can care like Christ.

The Rest of the Story

Is Paul implying that the best spiritual friend is the “touchy-feely” person who never dedicates himself or herself to serious study of the Scripture? Not at all. Join us next time as we explore the second qualification to be competent to counsel: biblical content.

Join the Conversation

The powerful spiritual friend reflects the ultimate Spiritual Friend—Jesus. What are you doing to become more like Christ so that you can care like Christ?

Note: Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Competent to Counsel, Spiritual Friends

Are You Competent and Confident in Christ?

I want to raise your level of confidence in your Christ-instilled competence to care like Christ. My purpose is to create in you an attitude of can do. “In Christ, I can do the ministry of spiritual friendship!”

So what qualifies you for one another ministry? Let’s see God’s answer.

The Divine Counselor’s Résumé Qualifications

Imagine that you are forwarding your résumé to the Holy Spirit, the Divine Counselor. What items would you highlight to demonstrate your eligibility to enter the ranks of soul physicians? What qualifies a person for the art of spiritual friendship? What qualities make you eligible to claim the mantle of soul care giver and spiritual director?

What do the Scriptures say? Fortunately, for those of us who desire to be people helpers, the Apostle Paul already completed our résumé.

“I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14).

The 4C Résumé of a Spiritual Friend

In this verse and the surrounding context, we discover the “4C Résumé of a Spiritual Friend”:

• Character: “Full of Goodness”

• Content/Conviction: “Complete in Knowledge”

• Competence: “Competent to Instruct One Another”

• Community: “Brothers”

Consider who Paul is addressing by his phrase, “brothers.” Are these pastors, elders, deacons, deaconesses, or former Jewish priests? Have they graduated from Bible college, seminary, or graduate school? Do they have degrees in psychology or counseling? Are they members of a mega-church or a church with a counseling center?

No. They are “average, ordinary” Christians in Rome. “Brothers” was the common designation of a believer regardless of gender, status, position, or rank. Based upon the surrounding context (Romans 16:1-16), Paul’s addressees are members of small house churches spread throughout the city and dotting the countryside of Rome. These men and women, converted Jews and Greeks, slaves and free, Paul considers competent to counsel.

Based upon Paul’s language, I conclude that Paul knew that his readers would be skeptical about their ability to disciple one another. I imagine them thinking, “Now Paul, perhaps you, a super Apostle, you are competent to counsel. Perhaps the other Apostles, also. Perhaps the great philosophers of the Roman Empire. But not us!”

Are You Confident about Your Competence in Christ?

Paul is quite emphatic in his language. The NIV accurately translates his emphasis, “I myself.” “You yourselves.” Paul’s addition of the personal pronoun to the verb produces emphasis by redundancy. Paul wants no mistakes. He’s positive that they’re powerful. “I, I myself. Inspired by the Divine Counselor; I’m telling you that I am absolutely confident in you, you yourselves. Yes, you lay believers, men and women. You yourselves are competent to counsel one another.”

Paul’s not making an assumption here. He says that he’s “convinced.” He’s confident in them, trusts them, and knows that he can count on them to competently counsel one another. He has faith in their spiritual ability, being inwardly certain because of external evidence. The evidence he offers provides the biblical prescription for soul physicians, the biblical résumé for spiritual friends—the “4Cs.”

The Rest of the Story

Paul’s convinced. Are you? Are you confident about your competency in Christ to care like Christ, to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth? When it comes to the personal ministry of the Word—to one another ministry in the Body of Christ—do you have a Christ-centered can do mindset?

You may ask, “But what does it look like in the real world to fulfill the 4C qualifications for spiritual friendship?” Glad you asked. Join our next post where we’ll start to explore the “4Cs” that make you competent to counsel.

Join the Conversation

If you were looking for someone to talk to about issues in your life, what qualifications would you look for?

Note: Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Spiritual Friends

A Report on the Historic Biblical Counseling Coalition Summit

What do you get when you fill a room for two days with nearly forty biblical counseling leaders asking, “Can we coalesce around an agreed upon vision of the center of biblical counseling?” No one knew the answer to that question entering the May 3-4 meeting of the Biblical Counseling Coalition (BCC) in Chicago.

We do now. At the end of the two days, the group unanimously decided to use the result of the conversation to continue crafting a statement summarizing the center or core concepts that define the heart of what makes biblical counseling truly biblical. The steering committee will now work with strategically selected and representative participants in drafting a “biblical counseling confessional statement” that all participants will be able to interact with and help bring to a final draft.

But perhaps even more important, relationships of trust were deepened. When some two dozen pastors, educators, counselors, authors, and ministry leaders first met in February 2010, the question was, “Is the time right to launch a new coalition of biblical counselors?” Out of that meeting came the conviction that “we must coalesce before we form a coalition.”

So during the two-day May meeting, large portions of times were purposefully allotted to relationship building. Participants were able to share their personal history of involvement in biblical counseling. They were encouraged to express candidly their passion about the center of the movement. In large group interaction, in small group sharing, and in one-to-one conversations, participants engaged in mutually empowering spiritual conversations that moved the discussion beyond the “head knowledge level” to the personal heart level of “how is the Bible and biblical counseling impacting my life and my ministry for Christ and others?”

New relationships were formed, long-term relationships were strengthened, and each participant’s relationship to Christ was deepened because of shared worship, fellowship, and mutual discipleship. In one sense, the meeting turned out not simply to be a discussion of biblical counseling, but an engagement in mutual biblical counseling. It was a demonstration of the power of one another ministry and of speaking the truth in love so that everyone grows together in Christ Who is the Head.

This unity was especially amazing given the wide-spectrum of diverse individuals gathered together at the meeting. There was purposeful diversity in terms of age, gender, geography, and ethnicity. There was also purposeful diversity regarding the ministries, schools, churches, and denominations gathered. Additionally, there was great variety in terms of the actual ministry of the participants: some are senior pastors, some counseling/discipleship pastors, some undergraduate educators, some graduate or seminary educators, and some leaders of para-church organizations. Yet within this diverse group, several times of spontaneous prayer of worship/adoration, and of confession, and of supplication developed. The group experienced unity, not uniformity.

Part of the vision of a Biblical Counseling Coalition is to move from “silos” to synergy—from many people and organizations doing independent ministry, to many independent ministries working together for the cause of Christ. The Gospel Coalition is one organization that the Biblical Counseling Coalition could potentially model itself after. If the May meeting is any indication, then that vision could have a powerful, positive impact upon the local church.

The steering committee will be meeting to assess the best “next steps” to continue the progress made both relationally and organizationally during this May meeting (“organizing the organism”). But regardless of future “action items,” the meeting was a success because Christ was honored as Christians listened well to one another, built one another up in Christian love, and focused on how to be a positive presence for helping Christ’s church build itself up in truth and love.

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What are your thoughts on the ongoing development of the Biblical Counseling Coalition?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Biblical Counseling Coalition, Christian Living

Historic Biblical Counseling Coalition Summit Meeting

God has been stirring the hearts of leaders in the biblical counseling field with a common mission to strengthen local churches, educational organizations, Christian counseling centers, and other Christian ministries by promoting excellence in biblical counseling as a means to accomplish compassionate outreach and effective discipleship. As a result, Monday and Tuesday, May 3-4, 2010, nearly 40 biblical counseling leaders will gather in the Chicagoland area. These pastors, educators, counselors, authors, and ministry leaders will continue a process begun in February of this year when about two dozen leaders met to ask, “Is the time right to launch a new coalition of biblical counselors?”

No “official decision” has been made at this point to launch the Biblical Counseling Coalition. Instead, the May meeting is designed in part to “coalesce the coalition.” That is, to build relationships, connection, and mutual support. The meeting also will include a lengthy discussion of, “What is the center of biblical counseling?” Participants are excited, as evidenced by this sample post.

Part of the vision of a Biblical Counseling Coalition is moving from “silos” to synergy—from many people and organizations doing independent ministry, to many independent ministries working together for the cause of Christ. The Gospel Coalition is one organization that the Biblical Counseling Coalition could potentially model itself after.

Regardless of the outcome of the May gathering, and not to sound overly dramatic, this is a historic event. And one worthy of prayer that God’s will would be done during the two-day meeting and in the subsequent days as all participants prayerfully reflect on “next steps.”

Join the Conversation

What are your thoughts on the possible development of a Biblical Counseling Coalition?

Tags: Biblical Counseling, Biblical Counseling Coalition, Gospel Coalition