God’s Healing for Life’s Losses Seminar

When you, your family members, or friends are grieving over one of life’s many losses, where can you turn for help?

Saturday, November 5, 2011, Dr. Bob Kellemen will be presenting a God’s Healing for Life’s Losses seminar at New Hope Community Church, 5100 Bethesda Ct, Williamsburg, MI 49690 (219-938-8056).

Learn How To:

• Apply to your life a biblical approach to facing life’s losses with courageous honesty.

• Apply to your life a biblical approach to finding healing hope by finding God.

• Apply proven biblical principles to help hurting people to move through the biblical process of hurting and grieving: candor, complaint, cry, and comfort.

• Apply proven biblical principles to help hurting people to move through the biblical process of hope and growth: waiting, wailing, weaving, and worshipping.

• Build healing communities where Christians find courage and comfort in God and each other.

Attend the God’s Healing for Life’s Losses Seminar To:

• Experience personal healing and biblical hope.

• Encounter God in the midst of your suffering.

• Empathize with hurting people more compassionately.

• Encourage suffering people more competently.

• Empower your congregation to become a “hospital for the hurting.”

Sponsored By:

• WLJN Christian Radio, The Northwest Michigan Jesus Ministries, and New Hope Community Church

• Tickets are available at WLJN, 1101 Cass St, Traverse City MI 49685, 231-946-1400.

• Or call New Hope Community Church at: 219-938-8056.

Seminar Registration:

• Cost: $15.00 per person.

• Cost Includes: The seminar, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses book, seminar workbook, continental breakfast, and light lunch.

• Payment Methods: Check or cash.

• Day of the Seminar: The cost will be $20.00 per person.

Seminar Schedule:

• 8:30-9:00: Registration and Continental Breakfast

• 9:00-10:00: Session One: Launching the Journey of Grief: Honesty with Yourself and with God—Candor and Complaint

• 10:00-10:15: Break

• 10:15-11:15: Session Two: Inviting God to Join Your Journey: Finding God Even When You Can’t Find Answers—Cry and Comfort

• 11:15-11:30: Break

• 11:30-12:30: Session Three: Deepening Your Journey During the Dark Night of the Soul: On the Road to Hope—Waiting and Wailing

• 12:30-1:30: Lunch Provided

• 1:30-2:30: Session Four: Traveling with God on the Journey of Faith: Joining the Larger Story—Weaving and Worshipping

Tags: God's Healing for Life's Losses, Grief, GriefShare, Grieving, Seminar

Ask the Counselor: “Should I Try to Forget My Past?”

As a biblical counselor, people often ask me the important question, “Should I try to forget my past?”

I first respond with a one-word answer. “No.”

Then I respond with a blog-size answer using the words:

• Remember

• Reflect

• Repent/Receive/Renew

• Reinterpret

• Retell

• Resources

Remember

Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t forget the past. It’s impossible. More importantly, it’s ungodly.

Memory is our God-given capacity to store and recall what we have experienced and learned. Remembering is part of our design by creation—before the fall into sin. “Remember” is used 167 times in the Bible (NIV), thus reminding us of the importance of remembering.

Some people mistakenly interpret Philippians 3:13 to mean that we should try to forget our past. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” The Greek word for “forget” does not mean not to remember, but not to focus my attention on. More importantly, the biblical context is whether Paul would focus his attention on his works of the flesh, attempts at self-righteousness, and putting confidence in the flesh, versus focusing on Christ’s righteousness and the power of Christ’s resurrection.

Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians is a testimony to the biblical value of remembering. “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia” (2 Cor. 1:8a). Throughout the epistle, Paul recalls and rehearses a litany of past suffering.

Reflect

In a similar way, the Psalms are a biblical testimonial to the power and value of remembering face-to-face with God. I call it reflecting.

People typically ask about forgetting in the context of dealing with past suffering—being sinned against, or dealing with past sin—sinning against others. I believe that attempting to refuse to remember our past can actually be a symptom of sin.

Trying to suppress past memories of pain (either regarding our suffering or sin) can be a refusal to face and deal with life. It can be an attempt to deal with pain apart from God. We could compare such attempts to self-sufficient “coping mechanisms” such as drinking and drugs—where we try anything to numb our pain, emptiness, or guilt.

In my book, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, I describe how the Psalmists, Job, Jeremiah, Jesus, and Paul remember face-to-face with Christ through “candor and complaint/lament.” In biblical candor, we’re honest with ourselves regarding our past and present. In biblical complaint/lament, we’re honest with God regarding our past and present.

Rather than attempting to forget, we are to bring to mind past external events and our current internal thoughts and feelings and bring them to Christ. As I put it in the book, “No grieving, no healing. Know grieving, know healing.” Reflecting on our past is our admission to ourselves and God that we can’t handle our past on our own, that we desperately need Christ.

Repent, Receive Grace, Renew

When our memories of the past relate to our past sin, Christ’s soul-u-tion is to remember, repent, and receive grace. “Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Rev. 2:5).

In Psalms 32 and 51, David models remembering, repenting, receiving grace, and renewing his life by God’s Spirit. Rather than trying the impossible and sinful mental activity of suppressing the memory of his sin, David recalls to mind his sin against God. He repents deeply not only of behavioral sin, but of heart motivational sin.

Having repented, David receives grace—he accepts God’s gracious forgiveness and prays for shalom—a conscience at peace with the God of peace. He then prays that the Spirit would renew a right spirit within him so that he could turn from his path of sin (put off) and return to the path of righteousness (put on).

Reinterpret

But what do we do with our emotional agony when we remember past suffering—being sinned against? God’s Word is clear. We never forget, we re-member.

Think about that word: re-member. To put our memories back together again, to shape our memories through God’s eternal grid.

In God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, I use the life of Joseph to portray how God wants us to remember and then reinterpret our past with spiritual eyes. There I call it “weaving.”

In Genesis 50:20 and 45:4-8, Joseph refuses to forget. He calls to mind his suffering past with these words. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

In the Hebrew, the word “intended” can be used in a physical sense for weaving together a tapestry, such as Joseph’s coat of many colors. It can be used in the metaphysical sense in a negative way for weaving together an evil scheme or plot, such as Joseph’s brothers did. Or, it can be used in a positive sense of God weaving together good out of evil.

How do we deal with our past suffering? We look at life with spiritual eyes by bringing to bear God’s eternal narrative, spiritual 20/20 vision, and larger story perspective. Weaving is re-membering—to create wholeness using God’s perspective to bring meaning to our suffering.

That’s how, like Joseph, we find hope when we’re hurting. That’s how, like Joseph, we grant forgiveness to those who have caused our suffering. In so doing we can say, “I grieve, but I don’t despair.”

Retell

Being human involves shaping our personal experiences into stories or narratives. That’s part of our God-given capacity of memory. We shape our sense of self and who we are in Christ from our retelling of our experiences.

As spiritual friends, it is when we listen carefully and compassionately to one another’s most important stories that we gain access to how our friends are attempting to make sense of themselves in the context of their past experiences. Our one-to-one relationships and our small group meetings should be places where we retell our stories.

In God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, I discuss how the retelling process moves us from “weaving” to “worshipping.” In worshipping we are committed to finding God even when we can’t find answers. We are committed to knowing God more than knowing relief from our past. We worship God by retelling our stories like Joseph did—in a way that honors and glorifies God and His role in redeeming our past (see Genesis 45:4-8).

There is no power in forgetting our past. God doesn’t want us to pretend. Of all people, as Christians we must be the most honest about our past. We must remember, reflect, repent/receive/renew, reinterpret, and retell.

Resources

Two biblical counseling resources that I think you will find helpful in dealing with your past are:

• God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting by Bob Kellemen.

• Putting Your Past in Its Place: Moving Forward in Freedom and Forgiveness by Steve Viars.

Join the Conversation

What is your biblical answer to the question, “Should I try to forget my past?”

Tags: Forgetting, God's Healing for Life's Losses, Grief, Past, Suffering

Healing for the Holidays: Part Five—Tidings of Comfort and Joy

Note: This is the fifth in a series of posts on Healing for the Holidays. Read Part 1: A Promise, Part 2: Give Sorrow Words, Part 3: Q/A About Holiday Honesty, and Part 4: A Lament for Your Loss.

When we lament to God and cry out to Him when we’re experiencing holiday loss, what does God promise? Does He promise to remove all grief? No, for this side of heaven that would require removing all memory of our loved one—something none of us would want. Does he promise to change or “fix” everything? No, that’s not what God promises either.

When we cry out to God, here’s His promise: He comes. He comes in His comforting presence.

In God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, I defined comfort like this:

Comfort experiences the presence of God in the presence of suffering—a presence that empowers me to survive scars and plants the seed of hope that I will yet thrive.

My Personal Comfort Journey

My Father passed away on my 21st birthday. It was a year later, on my 22nd birthday, that I began to experience God’s comforting presence.

For me, comfort reflected itself in my decision not to give up on God and not to give up on ministry. I was in seminary, preparing for ministry, and secretly doubting God—doubting His goodness, His trustworthiness, His ability, or at least His desire, to protect me and care for me. As comfort came, I came face-to-face with God. We had some wild talks. We had some fierce wrestling matches.

God won. I surrendered. I was still confused about the details of life, but committed to the Author of Life. More than that, I surrendered to Him and was dependent upon Him. My attitude was like Peter’s when Jesus asked His disciples, “Will you, too, leave me?” Remember Peter’s reply? “To whom else could we go? You alone have the Words of life.”

I was surviving again, surviving though scarred. I was not and never again would be that same naïve young Christian who assumed that if I prayed and worked hard enough, God would grant me my every expectation. My faith was not a naïve faith, it was now a deeper faith—a faith that could walk in the dark.

Asaph’s Personal Comfort Journey

According to Psalm 73:21-28, suffering is an opportunity for God to divulge more of Himself and to release more of His strength. When Asaph’s heart was grieved, and his spirit embittered, God brought him to his senses. Listen to his prayer. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26).

In grieving we say with Asaph, “My flesh may be scarred, my heart may be scared, but with God I can survive—forever.”

Thus faith perceives that God feels our pain, joins us in our pain, and even shares our pain. In fact, faith believes that, “in all their distress he too was distressed” (Isaiah 63:9). His sharing of our sorrow makes our sorrow endurable.

Faith does not demand the removal of suffering; faith desires endurance in suffering, temptation, and persecution (1 Corinthians 10:13). Faith understands that what can’t be cured, can be endured. Faith delights in weakness, because when we are weak, then God is strong, and we are strong in Him (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Grieving is a normal response to loss. However, God does not abandon us in our dark, dank casket. God, who is Light, shines His light of comfort into our hurting hearts.

God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

The traditional Christmas carol, God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen beautifully communicates the comfort we find in God’s presence. The carol is about the incarnation of Christ—Christ’s being born in the flesh so that He could be present with, dwell with us.

Like all true and faithful Christmas carols, God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen tells a story in stanzas—a story that progresses from Christ’s birth to His death and resurrection on our behalf. The final stanza captures our Christmas comfort, our holiday hope.

Now to the Lord sing praises,

All you within this place,

And with true love and brotherhood

Each other now embrace;

This holy tide of Christmas

All other doth deface.

O tidings of comfort and joy,

comfort and joy,

O tidings of comfort and joy.

Our “tiding” at Christmas is “Merry Christmas!”

The holy “tiding” of Christmas is “Comfort and joy!”

At Christmas, you may not feel “merry.” But in and with Christ, you can experience comfort (God’s comforting presence). And you can experience joy. Joy is not happiness or merriment. Joy is a settled, quiet peace and confidence that God is good even when life is bad and sad.

My tiding for you this holiday season is more than “Blessed Thanksgiving,” or “Merry Christmas,” or “Happy New Years.” My tiding to you through Christ is, “Comfort and joy.”

The Rest of the Story

Surviving the holidays is, for many, a pretty major goal. But…is it possible that even more could occur? Could we move from surviving to thriving? We’ll discuss that journey beginning in our next post. 

Join the Conversation

How could you experience God’s presence in order to experience His comfort and joy this holiday season?

Help for Your Healing Journey

For additional help on your healing journey, learn more about God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting. Also, visit GriefShare for information on their small group video series Surviving the Holidays.

Tags: Christmas Carols, God's Healing for Life's Losses, Healing for the Holidays

GriefShare Surviving the Holidays

Wake Forest, NC (PRWEB) November 13, 2010

People who’ve experienced the death of a loved one often face Thanksgiving and Christmas with dread. But grieving people can find actionable strategies and encouragement to make it through the 2010 holiday season at GriefShare’s Surviving the Holidays one-time seminars across the nation.

The Surviving the Holidays seminars, held at hundreds of locations, begin with a video presentation featuring advice from respected counselors and teachers on how to survive the holiday season, and featuring real-life stories of people who’ve experienced the challenges of the holiday season while grieving a death. “Hearing whom other people lost and how they managed to get through gave me hope,” said a holiday seminar attendee. Another found comfort in knowing “that what I’m experiencing is okay.”

The video presentation offers practical suggestions on how to handle hard-hitting emotions during the holiday season, what to do about family traditions, how to scale back on activities and holiday preparations, and where to find the strength to go on. “I learned that it’s okay not to carry on every tradition, and it’s okay to cut back on invitations,” shared a seminar attendee.

After the video is a facilitated small group discussion time where attendees discuss concepts learned on the video and share their specific concerns. A participant in Charlotte, NC, found encouragement in learning “that ‘moving forward’ is different from ‘moving on.’”

Each seminar attendee receives a Survival Guide containing over 30 days of short, devotional readings that target specific concerns faced by grieving people. The guides also include helpful charts and articles to help attendees create a holiday plan and learn how to have a more manageable, healthy approach to the busy season.

At the GriefShare Surviving the Holidays website, people in grief can enter their zip code into a searchable database to find a nearby holiday seminar: http://www.griefshare.org/holidays.

The website also contains downloadable holiday-centric articles and helpful video clips featuring expert teaching and personal testimonies on holiday survival after grief.

About GriefShare

GriefShare, Wake Forest, NC, is a network of over 7,000 locations equipped to offer grief recovery support groups. A searchable database of groups is found at http://www.griefshare.org.

Tags: Grief, GriefShare, Healing for the Holidays, Surviving the Holidays

Good Grief: A Fresh Review of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses

Note: Melinda Lancaster posted the following review of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses at her site Thinking Out Loud on Purpose.

Excerpt: “Upon receiving God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, my plan was to: read it, do a short review, and move on. God had another plan. The book “read me” and as a result exposed my misconceptions concerning God and grief. It also caused me to review, at length, my relationship with God. Taking me on an unexpected path towards healing God’s Healing for Life’s Losses has become a real game-changer. It has continued to work in my life long after I put it down.”

Full Review: Good Grief

Losses—we all experience them along with the accompanying pain. They penetrate our lives in various forms and magnitudes with little or no warning. Some are short-lived while others lead to long seasons of suffering and grief.

Suffering and grief are something we are all familiar with. Yet, these two words are NOT typically “hot topics” in most Christian circles. As a matter-of-fact they are infrequently dealt with. I find that somewhat astonishing given the fact that 1,185 of the 1,189 chapters of the Bible, in some way, touch on the subject of suffering or death.

It is also confounding to see, with so much of Scripture dedicated to the subject, how frantically we search for ways to quickly dismiss grief. Whether we downplay our pain with positive platitudes or frantically numb it with a frenzy of activities the issue remains the same. We need a framework or “theology of suffering” to deal with our pain if we are to experience God’s healing. Many believers do not have one.

A Biblical Primer

In his latest book, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, Dr. Robert Kellemen has penned a primer for sufferology that allows for such a framework to be constructed. While walking with the reader down the path of grief, which Kellemen is deeply and personally acquainted with, he offers something that has been sadly lacking–a Biblical approach that goes far beyond the traditional model. By going “the way of the Word”, instead of the way of the world, this small but power-packed book gives the readers permission to grieve freely, in a biblical manner, while providing the necessary tools.

I was not at all surprised by the author’s ability to bring spiritual light to this subject but I must say that I was amazed by the masterful way in which he so carefully and compassionately unpacked the eight biblical steps or markers on the road to healing. With the precision of a surgeon he cuts to the “heart of the matter” removing infected notions and cancerous beliefs so that real healing can occur.

The Book “Read Me”

How do I know this? I experienced it personally. I must say, that I was not prepared for the impact that God’s Healing for Life’s Losses would have on my life. No stranger to loss, over the past few years, I’ve encountered grief of my own. I thought that I was handling it when in fact I was hiding from it. That is until the opportunity to review my friend’s book came along.

Upon receiving it, my plan was to: read it, do a short review, and move on. God had another plan. The book “read me” and as a result exposed my misconceptions concerning God and grief. It also caused me to review, at length, my relationship with God. Taking me on an unexpected path towards healing God’s Healing for Life’s Losses has become a real game-changer. It has continued to work in my life long after I put it down.

Handling Grief Biblically

Having studied the subjects of suffering, grief, and loss over the years I’ve read countless books by an array of Christian writers and God’s Healing for Life’s Losses has surpassed them all. It is by far the most condensed and concise book on handling grief in a biblical manner that I’ve ever read. In my opinion it is also the most helpful.

I look forward to using it as a ministry tool and highly recommend it as a gift to all who are experiencing a loss of any kind. There is no way to adequately convey how much spiritual help is packed inside, but if you read it I believe that you too will be amazed!

Join the Conversation

What books have changed your life?

Tags: Blog Tour, Book Review, g, God's Healing for Life's Losses, Grief, Grieving

Note: My good friend, Steve Viars, Sr. Pastor of Faith Baptist Church in Lafayette, IN, leader of Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries, and President of NANC, graciously wrote the Foreword to God’s Healing for Life’s Losses. Steve knows about relating the riches of Gospel truth to the lives of hurting men and women.

Foreword

Can anyone avoid suffering? 

I have had the privilege of serving as a pastor of the same congregation for over twenty years. On the one hand God has graciously given numerous opportunities to share in the joys and blessings of my parishioners and friends. There have been many births, weddings, spiritual victories, and occasions for laughter and love. Countless days have been filled with far more sweetness than I would have ever imagined.

But the parallel truth is that I have seen first-hand how often men and women suffer. Job losses. Shocking diagnoses. Children gone astray. Abuse. And the caskets…oh too many caskets. I knew the Bible predicted this would occur, but it is different when it happens to members of your church family, your own family, your friends, and to you.

Of course, you know that as well. I have never met a person who has not suffered in some way. That explains why Jesus’ family is instructed to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Life this side of heaven is anything but trouble-free.

That is why I am so glad Dr. Bob Kellemen wrote God’s Healing for Life’s Losses. You cannot choose whether you will face suffering or not, but you can decide where you will turn for help. Here are three reasons why I heartily and joyfully encourage you to carefully read what Bob has written.

It courageously faces the hard questions. You are probably fed up with pat answers and pious platitudes. Plastic smiles do not work, not when you are suffering. Bob writes with the seasoned wisdom of a winsome counselor who has spent many hours compassionately listening to people whose hearts are breaking.

It skillfully takes you to God’s Word. Listening is wonderful and powerful, but it is seldom enough. Bob is a careful student of the Bible. He believes that the living God has direction and answers for every hurting person who will humbly come to Him (Matthew 11:29). I went to college and seminary with Bob—I know that he is a diligent and accomplished student and scholar. Yet this book does not read like a distant theological treatise. It is more like a wise conversation with a mature spiritual friend.

It passionately points you to the Savior. The Bible is less like an encyclopedia and more like a novel. Bob’s goal is not to give us a few verses that we simply memorize and recite when times get rough. He is inviting us to use suffering as an opportunity to grow more in love with the One who suffered supremely for us. That is why there is hope for life’s losses.

I look forward to the day this project goes from the manuscript I currently have in my hand to a book I can read and give to others. My church family needs it. My counselees need it. I need it. And, if you’re suffering a loss or helping someone who is grieving, then you need it.

One more thing. Bob and I grew up a few miles from one another in Gary, IN. I have known him since we were boys running around the neighborhood. I can say this without reservation—Bob is the real thing. He cares deeply about people who are suffering. That is one of his God-given passions. Let this book be a gift to you, from a dear and trusted friend.

Dr. Steve Viars, Sr. Pastor, Faith Baptist Church, Lafayette, Indiana

Tags: God's Healing for Life's Losses, NANC, Steve Viars, Suffering