Sacred Friendships Video Book Trailer 

Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith narrates the amazing stories of the lives and ministries of over fifty women in church history.

Learn more about Sacred Friendships as you enjoy the video book trailer where I share about:

• Co-authoring Sacred Friendships with Susan Ellis

• Why we need to learn about and from women in church history

• Who is the target audience for Sacred Friendships (Hint—women and men!)

• My favorite story from Sacred Friendships

Watch the video on our RPM Ministries YouTube Channel.

Visit our Sacred Friendships page to read a free sample chapter and learn how you can order an autographed copy of Sacred Friendships at 40% off.

Tags: Book Video Trailer, Church History, Sacred Friendships, Women's History, Women's Studies

Not Your Father’s Church History

Note: The following post originally appeared in Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith which tells the story of over fifty remarkable Christian women.

Listening to the Silenced Voices

For far too long, church history has been told as HIS-story. The strong, empowering voices of women have been silenced. It’s a sad pattern that we can trace back all the way to Hagar.

Fortunately, a fair and balanced narrative of church history shows that women have always spoken God’s truth in love to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth. For two-thousand years women have engaged in gospel conversations to minister to hurting and hardened people. It’s time for church history once again also to be Her-story.

Giving Voice to the Voiceless

When we think of the early church, our minds focus on the Church Fathers. Sadly, we normally fail even to consider the Church Mothers. Yet, these godly women heroically waged spiritual warfare against the world, the flesh, and the devil.

Their loses and their victories, their pain and their joy, their walk with Christ and their journey with one another are all an inheritance from which each of us are eligible to draw. There is a mighty company of gallant women believers from whom we can learn.

Vibia Perpetua: From Victim to Victor

Vibia Perpetua (181-203) heads that company. The early Church preserved her manuscript, The Martyrdom of Perpetua, as a martyr’s relic because it is one of the oldest and most descriptive accounts of death for Christ. It is also the earliest known document written by a Christian woman. Anyone who has ever suffered for the faith or has been oppressed by the powerful can carry on a conversation and feel a bond with Perpetua. In fact, in the introduction to her story, we read that she wrote it “expressly for God’s honor and humans’ encouragement” to testify to the grace of God and to edify God’s grace-bought people.

Of course, even reading the word “martyr” likely causes us to imagine that Perpetua was a spiritual “super woman” whose life and ministry we could not possibly emulate. The story of her life, however, demonstrates just the opposite.

The Story of Her Life

Perpetua lived in Carthage in North Africa during the persecution of Christians under Septimius Severus. At the time of her arrest in 202 AD, she was a twenty-one-year-old mother of an infant son. Born into a wealthy, prominent, but unbelieving family, she was a recent convert with a father who continually attempted to weaken her faith and a husband who was, for reasons unknown to us, out of the picture. Nothing in Perpetua’s situation or background prepared her for the titanic spiritual struggle God called her to face.

Perpetua, her brother, her servant (Felicitas), and two other new converts were discipled by Saturus. We learn from Perpetua of the arrest of all these faithful followers of Christ.

“At this time we were baptized and the Spirit instructed me not to request anything from the baptismal waters except endurance of physical suffering. A few days later we were imprisoned.”

A Light in the Darkness: Experiencing the Pain of Others

Perpetua candidly faces her fears and expresses her internal and external suffering.

“I was terrified because never before had I experienced such darkness. What a terrible day! Because of crowded conditions and rough treatment by the soldiers the heat was unbearable. My condition was aggravated by my anxiety for my baby.”

This very human woman exudes superhuman strength. In the midst of her agony, she empathizes with and consoles others. Her father, completely exhausted from his anxiety, came from the city to beg Perpetua to recant and offer sacrifice to the emperor.

“I was very upset because of my father’s condition. He was the only member of my family who would find no reason for joy in my suffering. I tried to comfort him saying, ‘Whatever God wants at this tribunal will happen, for remember that our power comes not from ourselves but from God.’ But utterly dejected, my father left me.”

The Rest of the Story

To learn what happens to Perpetua and her friends, read part two of Perpetua’s life in my next blog post: The Road to Hope.

Join the Conversation

Why do you think we have silenced the voices of godly women in church history?

The Martyrdom of Perpetua

Tags: Perpetua, Sacred Friendships, Women's Ministry, Women's Studies

*Friday, October 2, Lynn Mosher:

http://lynnmosher.blogspot.com/

Lynn will post about Susannah Wesley and Margaret Baxter and how they overcame all odds to empower others for Christ.

Tags: friendship

Note: For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/tXR7y

Introduction (Repeated from Part One)

I’ve been involved in a fascinating and stimulating discussion with a good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling. She believes that the biblical norm mandates that “counseling” must always be between two people of the same gender.

While I do not agree with her view, I do respect her thinking. Also, I certainly believe that there is much power in same gender “counseling.” It is not “wrong” to “counsel” someone of the same gender. I simply do not believe the Bible says that our “counseling” must be exclusively with members of our own gender.

Now, I’m no fool. I understand that I am going to have people “on both sides” at the very least disagreeing with me, some angry at me, and some even calling me a heretic (it wouldn’t be the first time!).

So why discuss this?

It’s a vital issue. It’s a question I am asked a lot. It’s relevant to ministry today.

So…this is a blog. It’s not a book. It’s not a published article. It’s not the final word. The following thoughts are my random ponderings on the issue pretty much as they appeared in the email string generated by my conversation with my friend.

So…the following views are not “hills I am going to die on.” I express them in the hopes of inviting intelligent, loving spiritual conversations. If you disagree with me, please share comments—speaking the truth in love, like a good “Berean.” If you agree with me, but would say things differently or would include additional reasons, please share those.

Here goes. In no particular order, some reasons why I believe we can “counsel” members of the opposite gender.

6. Titus 2: The Specific Context

Some would say that Titus 2 “mandates” and makes the “biblical norm” same gender “counseling.” But what is the context? And I don’t even mean, “is the historical context true for us today?” (which is an issue that some address). I believe the historical context of Titus 2 has application for us today. But what was the context then and what is it now?

Paul is talking about the specific situation of older women who are experienced wives and mothers mentoring younger women for/in the roles of new wives and mothers (and/or wives-to-be and mothers-to-be). So, yes, of course, who better to help a young woman to learn to be a mother and wife than an older woman/mother/wife?

Likewise, who better to help a younger man to learn to be a godly husband/dad than a mature husband/dad?

These are legitimate roles still today. And training women and men for mentoring focused on the home is very necessary and powerful.

I just do not happen to believe that this one passage ever was meant to imply that a woman could never minister to a man. This one passage does not mandate that every one another spiritual friendship or spiritual direction “counseling” interaction must be female-to-female or male-to-male.

7. 1 Timothy 2:11-16: Collaborative Spiritual Conversations

What about “a woman should learn in quietness…”? And, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man”?

These are highly contentious verses. I do not intend to address the full spectrum of issues (such as historical context, application for today regarding local church preaching, etc.). My focus is on what implication, if any, this might have for “counseling” today.

I have studied this whole section in detail. I would translate the lexical meaning of the words in context as, “a woman should not have final authoritative teaching over a man in the church.” (Again, I understand that some would take issue with this translation, with whether this is applicable to the church today, etc. For the sake of argument, I am granting that this is applicable for local church final authoritative preaching.)

However, as I’ve stated, my model of biblical counseling, spiritual friendship, soul care, and spiritual direction is not about final authoritative, directive teaching. It is about collaborative spiritual conversations that seek to relate God’s Word to another person’s life. I do not see 1 Timothy 2:11-15 as prohibiting women from offering spiritual friendship, soul care, or spiritual direction to men.

8. But What About Temptation: Fair Question

Many will say, “It’s not simply about whether women can or should ‘have authority’ over a male. It is about men not counseling women and women not counseling men—primarily because of temptation toward an emotional and/or physical affair.”

Granted, we have all heard the horror stories. However, if we are listening, then we have also heard, increasingly, the horror stories of female “counselors seducing female counselees.” I have a female friend who specializes in counseling women who have been seduced by their female counselors. If she specializes in it, just imagine how often it occurs.

And we have all heard the horror stories of “male pastors seducing male parishioners (especially young boys and teens).”

Thus, we really don’t protect against the temptation toward sinful affairs or emotional attachments simply by “counseling” only male with male or female with female.

What we need are mature, wise males and females who establish the appropriate boundaries and safeguards so that affairs and inappropriate attachments do not develop. Whether it is “formal counseling” or “informal spiritual friendships,” all such relationships must follow established procedures that ensure propriety and integrity.

We ought to empower and equip men and women with the spiritual maturity to engage in what God calls us to do with the wisdom to set appropriate boundaries. Instead, we avoid something good and commanded in Scripture because of something bad that might occur. Out of fear of what might occur in our sinful culture we avoid what the Bible calls us to do to impact our sinful culture.

No one is calling for inappropriate relationships without safeguards. No one is saying that every person is currently ready for one another spiritual friendships with members of the opposite gender. (That’s why the title is “Ten Reasons We Can,” not “Ten Reasons Everyone Must.”) For those without the current personal maturity to handle one another spiritual friendships, the answer is personal discipleship.

9. Potential Sinful Bias: The Potential for Negativity toward Women

I understand that many/most who are against counseling the opposite gender are not “anti-female.” However, in church history and still today in the church there are some who use this topic/issue as one more way to demean, discredit, and marginalize women.

There are men who use “women mentor women” to make women second-class Christians. The attitude can sometimes be, “Women, work with women and children because you are inferior to men.” Such attitudes toward female image bearers is sinful in the sight of God who made us different but equal.

10. Proverbial Wisdom: How God Works

We never build theology on experience. However, proverbial wisdom is a legitimate category of thinking and reflecting.

As I reflect on my life and the lives of many other men and women, I have been greatly ministered to by many godly women. They have been my spiritual friends and biblical counselors in one another ministry and in small group fellowship. Many times other men and women have pointed to these healthy, balanced, ethical, with-integrity, moral, pure relationships as examples to them of how men and women can minister to one another.

I’ve heard many women, in particular, express how sad it is for them that such fear of impropriety causes men never to have a candid, open conversation with them. They feel as if they are lepers or “Jezebels”—a temptress one must run from. How sad.

God, in His affectionate sovereignty, can choose to use healthy one another spiritual friendships as part of His maturing work in our lives so that we do not engage in sinful relationships. Perhaps it is our Evangelical fear of the opposite sex and the commensurate avoidance of one another spiritual friendships that contribute to the number of affairs we are seeing today.

What Are Your Thoughts?

These are my rambling ponderings.

What are your thoughts?

Introduction

I’ve been involved in a fascinating and stimulating discussion with a good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling. She believes that the biblical norm mandates that “counseling” must always be between two people of the same gender.

While I do not agree with her view, I do respect her thinking. Also, I certainly believe that there is much power in same gender “counseling.” It is not “wrong” to “counsel” someone of the same gender. I simply do not believe the Bible says that our “counseling” must be exclusively with members of our own gender.

Now, I’m no fool. I understand that I am going to have people “on both sides” at the very least disagreeing with me, some angry at me, and some even calling me a heretic (it wouldn’t be the first time!).

So why discuss this?

It’s a vital issue. It’s a question I am asked a lot. It’s relevant to ministry today.

So…this is a blog. It’s not a book. It’s not a published article. It’s not the final word. The following thoughts are my random ponderings on the issue pretty much as they appeared in the email string generated by my conversation with my friend.

So…the following views are not “hills I am going to die on.” I express them in the hopes of inviting intelligent, loving spiritual conversations. If you disagree with me, please share comments—speaking the truth in love, like a good “Berean.” If you agree with me, but would say things differently or would include additional reasons, please share those.

Here goes. In no particular order, some reasons why I believe we can “counsel” members of the opposite gender.

1. “Counseling”: How We Define It

Notice that I have been putting “counseling” in quotation marks. We need to start with what we mean by “counseling.”

I’m big on one another ministry. So for me, “counseling” is simply one another spiritual friendship. I don’t see anywhere that the Bible suggests that one another ministry should be exclusively same gender.

Additionally, my model of biblical counseling and spiritual friendship does not focus on final authoritative, directive teaching. It highlights collaborative, “trialogues” where we explore together how God’s Word relates to one another’s lives. I do not believe that this one another practice of collaborative exploration of God’s Word is in any way excluded by any biblical exhortation about women teaching men (see more on this in a subsequent point).

Now, I’m not naïve. I understand that we must address the more formalized relationship of one person who is the recognized “counselor” and one person who is the recognized “counselee.” Even this is not a new issue. Throughout church history people experienced the relationship of a spiritual director to a “directee.”

But again, my definition of soul care and spiritual direction involves a mutual relationship where one person seeks to sustain, heal, reconcile, and guide another person to apply God’s changeless truth to another person’s life.

I do not believe that this spiritual direction practice of collaborative exploration of God’s Word is in any way excluded by any biblical exhortation about women teaching men (see more on this in a subsequent point).

2. Theology of Gender: Genesis 1 and 2 and Creation as Male and Female

I know that some could take our distinct genders to mean that since we are different at the soul level, we should not counsel one another. I would say the opposite.

The idea that it is not good for man/male to be alone, is not only husband/wife, but also male/female. In other words, when we separate by gender in the church, just like when we separate by ethnicity and by age, we lose the beauty of diversity that God has planned.

Males need the unique spiritual friendship insights of females. Females need the unique spiritual friendship insights of males. We need one another.

3. Biblical One Another Exhortations: Let’s Be Consistent

I believe all the one another passages exhort us to offer one another mutual spiritual friendship, soul care, and spiritual direction. None of these passages hint at such commands being directed only toward same gender spiritual conversations.

In fact, when Paul says to speak to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, the context is across cultures, across socieo-economic lines, and across genders (Colossians 3:11-16). When Paul says, in this same context, “Bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another,” surely no one would say, “That only applies to men with men and women with women.”

Paul says in Colossians 3:9, “Do not lie to each other.” Surely no one would say, “Well, that applies only to men with men and women with women.” Yet, a scant few verses later Paul says, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with wisdom…” (3:16). Sounds like “counseling.” That’s why I would define biblical counseling as teaching and admonishing one another with wisdom, and I would see Paul commanding all believers to engage in such biblical counseling one with another—including men with women and women with men.

4. Biblical Examples: What Do We See in the Bible?

Jesus and the woman at the well provide a biblical example of a male ministering one-to-one with a female.

The relationship of Aquila and Priscilla to Apollos provides a biblical example of a male/female team mentoring (providing spiritual direction to) a male. Some might say, “Wait, that’s a husband/wife team, so that’s not even in your category of “counseling.” That comment just shows how much we’ve been influenced by modernistic, secular images of what “counseling” is.

Aquila and Priscilla with Apollos is exactly the category of ministry I am addressing. One another spiritual friendships with the opposite gender can include husband and wives ministering to husband and wives. They can include “mixed” small groups. The issue is, can we minister to members of the opposite gender? The issue is not simply the “setting.”

Paul’s list of names in the small house churches in Rome is another example of one another spiritual friendship and small group fellowship being across genders (Romans 16).

I plan to search the Scriptures for further examples.

5. Church History: Women and Men Provided Sacred Friendships to One Another

Anyone who reads my new book, Sacred Friendships (http://bit.ly/YmaM1) will see how many godly women mentored godly men. The famous Church Fathers were mentored, time after time, by the less-famous, but equally vital, women of the early church. Clearly, women were spiritual directors for the Church Fathers.

I am not saying that history and tradition are equal to inspired Scripture. However, since my interpretation and application of Scripture is not inspired, and neither is yours, I do want to learn from others in church history. And many great Church Fathers, Reformers, and Puritan men benefited from and believed in the role of ministry “across genders.”

Additionally, throughout church history, male pastors provided “counsel” to women. In many cases, we have detailed descriptions of ongoing “counseling” between male pastors and their female parishioners (this is especially true of the Reformers and Puritans).

What Are Your Thoughts?

Thus ends part one of my rambling ponderings.

What are your thoughts?

Be sure to return for part two…