How to Steward Life Checkpoints

Note: The following is a second guest post from my good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling, Pastor Rob Green. Check out the original post here. And bookmark Pastor Rob’s excellent blog Counseling with Confidence and Compassion.

From time to time the Lord provides a checkpoint in life. Consider with me some of the many that could be mentioned:

1. The death of a close friend or family member.

2. The reception of some very unwelcome news (e.g. job loss, health diagnosis).

3. When a birthday comes and they begin to think that they have already lived most of their time on earth.

4. When a child gets married, goes to college, or enters a new phase of school (e.g. Jr. High, Sr. High, etc).

5. When they realize that their dreams of the high paying job with all the perks that go with it will not come true.

These checkpoints, like spots on a map, remind us that life on this earth is not all there is. Our destination is ultimately Christlikeness with Him in Heaven. These checkpoints confront us with the reality that fewer things matter and they remind us that the few things that do matter, matter more. So, how do you and I steward opportunities like this and help our counselees do the same?

Certainly we can agree that these opportunities should not be wasted, right? So, how is it that these opportunities can be used for the Glory of God and the progress of the gospel? What follows is far from comprehensive, but Lord willing it will be a help to many of you, like me, who got a few checkpoints this year.

# 1: Rather Than Sulk in Self-pity, Commit to “Redeeming the Time”

Psalm 90:12 instructs us to number or days so we may present a heart of wisdom while Ephesians 5:15 says that we must make the most of your time because the days are evil. Sometimes when people are confronted with these checkpoints they run, hide, and go into a shell. The problem with that approach is that is the exact opposite of what we should do.

All human life is short – we are here today and gone tomorrow. So our time, whatever amount we have, must be lived with purpose and meaning. Every believer is a representative of God. Therefore, help your counselees to use the checkpoint to move forward – to be more committed, to be more focused, to be more passionate about the things of the Lord. Neighbors need to hear the gospel, children need to be taught truth, friends need to be discipled and encouraged, and the Lord should be magnified in your speech and actions. Don’t sulk in self pity.

# 2: Rather Than become Bitter and Angry, Confess Your Heart to the Lord and Commit to Trust Him

For those that get shocking checkpoints – the lost job, the cancer diagnosis, the tragedy in the family – be careful. In Ephesians 4:32 we are told to put off all anger and all bitterness. It is easy to get upset at the Lord during these checkpoints. But I want to encourage us to follow the pattern in the Psalms or in Habakkuk where shocking news or challenging circumstances are followed by running to the Lord. Rather than run away from him in anger or bitterness, the biblical authors ran to the Lord and then chose to trust Him (read the prayer in Habakkuk 3). We do not always understand the ways of the Lord and the reasons He chooses to do what He does. However, we can trust in a God who is good and in a God who loves us and in a God who will use whatever trouble may come to bring Him glory and make us like Christ.

# 3: Rather Than Believe You Are Getting the “Raw End of the Deal,” Believe That God Has Already Been Better to You Than You Deserve

These checkpoints in life encourage some folks to believe that they were somehow and in some way mistreated by the Lord. They got the raw end of the deal. If only they were faster, stronger, more coordinated, quicker, smarter, better looking, then their dreams could have come true. But as it is God has not given them those things. That is where Ephesians 1-3 come in. God has poured out on you every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. God’s grace reached down to you and plucked you from the pit. God sent His Spirit to be a seal on His promises. If we get nothing other than the gospel we have gotten far more than we deserve. The checkpoints may remind us that there are some pleasures of life that we might never experience, but they also should push us to remember that a glorious eternity is yet in store.

# 4: Rather Than View This Life as Having the “Best,” Remember That in the Life to Come You Will Be Like Jesus for You Will See Him as He Is

We, like our counselees, can also be tempted to think that our best days and our best memories are in the here and now. If only we had the perfect vacation, if only we had the chance to see ________ (Paris, Tokyo, the Grand Canyon), if only we could see our kids grown up, then our life would be fulfilled. We need to help our counselees remember that the best will come when our current bodies are replaced with heavenly ones, when our sin is forever removed and we are like our savior Jesus, and where we will enjoy the light of His radiance rather than our current sun. We may ask the Lord to grant us the privilege of raising children, walking our daughters down the aisle, or meeting a grandchild, but we are mistaken if we believe these things are the “best.” Checkpoints point us forward to a future with our savior.

# 5: Remember That Sometimes the Lord Asks You to Remember Him When You Have Blessings Overflowing and He Asks You to Trust Him When You Despair Even of Life

While all the checkpoints bring challenges there are others that bring fear. If given the choice many of us would rather drop dead from a heart attack then go through the suffering of a disease that slowly kills us. For some believers, the thought of dying of cancer is far easier to handle than the thought of living with it. Dying at least represents “being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” The living with cancer means surgery, doctor visits, chemo, radiation, sickness, pain, and hardship. Allow these thoughts to linger and you will despair of life. Paul reminds us that there was a time in his own life where he despaired of his existence. Life was so hard and so bad that death seemed not only imminent but better. Yet in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11, Paul reminds us all that this hardship had a purpose – to trust in God! None of us particularly enjoys the thought of trusting God in the midst of great suffering – we would rather trust God in the midst of blessing! Sometimes, however, God calls us to suffer and with the call to suffering comes the call to trust Him and to demonstrate His great power amidst our great weakness.

There are, of course, many other things that can be said. But Lord willing I hope that this may help us deal with our own checkpoints and help others deal with theirs.

Join the Conversation

How have you stewarded your own “checkpoints”?

Union with Christ and the Real Power for Change

Note: The following is a guest post from my good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling, Pastor Rob Green. Check out the original post here. And bookmark Pastor Rob’s excellent blog Counseling with Confidence and Compassion.

Have you ever acted like a personal trainer in your counseling?

You know what that looks like; it is “3 truths for this,” “2 principles for that,” and “5 ways for accomplishing this…” In other words, the Bible becomes simply a set of principles to follow. When this happens, you slip into thinking that if only your counselees could do two more “sets” then they will finally get over the hump and the change with be lasting? There are two fundamental problems with this approach.

First, the Bible is not simply a set of principles. Does the Scripture include principles? Of course, but those principles are set in the context of relationship. The blessings of living as a follower of Christ include knowing the whole story and having the indwelling Holy Spirit. One of the testimonies of the Scriptures is that principles (or law, if you will) are never enough. The commands found in Scripture must be carried out in the midst of relationship or else nothing of Spiritual value and significance will be accomplished.

Second, it can appear to counselees that obedience to a set of principles is the primary task of the believer in Christ. This again is not exactly right. The real issue, testified by the story line of Scripture, is that we are God’s image bearers being made into the perfect image bearer – Jesus. In practice, Jesus summarized our task in Matthew 22:37-40 saying that we are to love the Lord our God with everything we are and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Thus, the point of counseling is to help our counselees love the Lord more than ever before. Part of our task is helping them be more impressed with Jesus, who in great love gave Himself for the counselee, than to simply obey a set of principles. Must they obey? Yes, but that obedience comes in response to understanding who God is and all that God has done in Christ.

So, if counselors are supposed to emphasize union with Christ as the real power for change, then how do we get that done? Here are three ideas, certainly not the only ideas, to help you make Union with Christ more important in your counseling.

Idea # 1: During the Session, Emphasize Christ

The counseling session is a give-and-take; it is a dialogue, humanly speaking, between you and another person. While we would confess the presence and dependence of God in the session, it is helpful if we make it obvious. Lead in prayer in a way that expresses dependency on the risen Savior for anything of value to be accomplished during your meeting. Ask questions and give responses in such a way that Christ is the motivation for what we do and He is the one who should get preeminence in all that happens in our lives. Set Scripture passages you want to discuss within the story line of the Bible. At some level, the text you are talking about has some relationship to Christ…so tell your counselee what that connection might be. In other words, we are advocating a conversation between two people that is surrounded by an emphasis on Christ. In that way, it is even possible to speak of a trialogue. There is you, your counselee, and Christ through the pages of the Scripture.

Idea # 2: Assign Homework that Encourages Them to Focus on Christ

We want homework to be practical. We want our counselees to know exactly what to do when they leave. However, it is possible to write homework that never directs the counselee to think about or focus on Christ. Homework can appear to simply tell them to do this or to do that without encouraging them to be this or be that. Thus, it can appear to a counselee that the time away from counseling is somehow fundamentally different than the time in counseling. Instead, homework should again bring Christ front and center. This will put your counselees in the best possible position to be thinking of Jesus while they live out their week. Not only is this more pleasing to God (as if that weren’t enough!), but it also prepares them for life without you.

Idea # 3: Remind Them that Abiding in the Vine is the Pathway to Growth in Christ Long after Counseling Concludes

In John 15 the disciples were plainly told “without me you can do nothing.” The whole concept of fruit bearing in John 15 has to do with abiding in the vine. Without the source of nourishment from the vine, no branch can produce fruit. In counseling, sometimes the counselees act as if you, the counselor, are the vine. You tell them what to do, you hold them accountable, you fuss at them when they fail, and you praise them when they succeed. How can we honestly call that success? Our counselees need to be reminded over and over again that fruit bearing in their lives comes from their relationship to Jesus, not us. While we want to be an instrument in Jesus’ hand, our counselees should never confuse the “instrument” with the “Jesus.” When your counselee is more concerned about what Jesus thinks than what you or anyone else thinks, that person is in the process of making change permanent.

Genuine change that glorifies God is rooted theologically in the fact that every believer is in union with Christ (see Romans 6-8). Let us, as counselors, seek to emphasize that truth and ensure that if our counselees hear nothing else – they will at least hear that Jesus is king and in him is the power for change.

It’s Wonderful to Be Forgiven

The Big Idea: Learn how to help others to receive the wonders of Christ’s forgiveness. (Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.)

Grace Dispensers

When a brother or sister repents of sinful patterns of the heart, we need to become dispensers of Christ’s grace who communicate “it’s wonderful to be forgiven.” Three categories summarize the types of gospel conversations that enlighten others to grasp the wonders of forgiveness:

• Calm the Conscience

• Assure the Conscience

• Comfort the Conscience

Calm the Conscience

Since little counsel can be received when the conscience is in intense turmoil, refuse to let sin overwhelm the conscience. The worst sin of all is denying grace. Therefore, the worst thing that you can do is to allow Satan to overwhelm others so they despair of grace in the midst of their sin. Sin can be forgiven, but believing that sin can’t be forgiven leaves people hopelessly despairing. Satan tempts us to deny Christ’s claims, claiming instead that our sin is greater than Christ’s forgiveness. To calm the conscience, help people to distinguish between law and gospel, as Martin Luther did:

It is the supreme art of the devil that he can make the law out of the gospel. If I can hold on to the distinction between law and gospel, I can say to him any and every time that he should kiss my backside. Even if I sinned, I would say, “Should I deny the gospel on this account?”

To counter Satan’s lies, engage in spiritual conversations: 

• Where were you recruited into the idea that God is angry with you and rejects you when you sin? Who modeled this idea for you? Does it seem to square with your understanding of the Bible? Of grace? Of Christ?

• In the Scriptures (Psalm 1, Psalm 32, Psalm 51, and Romans 8:1-39) and throughout Church history, Christians have meditated on images of God and Christ. What images could you meditate on to increase your conviction that God is gracious to you even when you fail him?

• Christ always loves you and accepts you. What mental pictures have you used to keep this truth in the forefront of your mind?

• What do you think a person should do when they feel overcome and overwhelmed by sin?

• What does the Bible suggest that you do when you feel overwhelmed by sin?

• What does your pastor suggest that you do when you feel overwhelmed by sin?

• What do your Christian friends suggest that you do when you feel overwhelmed by sin?

• What do you tell others to do when they are overwhelmed by sin and crushed by guilt?

Assure the Conscience

The spirit of bondage enslaves the fleshly conscience, causing it to feel that it’s still under the weight of the law and the condemnation of God who it views as a harsh Judge. The Spirit of sonship liberates the spiritual conscience, causing it to understand that it’s now under the freedom of grace and the forgiveness of God who it correctly views as a merciful heavenly Father. The Spirit of sonship frees the conscience from fear, releasing it to trust. Knowing these truths, spiritual friends benefit from spiritual conversations:

• Throughout the Scriptures (Romans 5:1-11; 8:1-39; Galatians 3:1-29; 5:1-26) God tells us that we have peace with him through Jesus Christ. When do you experience his peace to the greatest extent? What are you doing differently when you experience his peace?

• Tell me about your experience of God’s peace. What is it like for you?

• I’m wondering how peace with God motivates you to love God and others.

• The Bible assures us that we’re no longer under condemnation. The spirit of bondage to guilt has been defeated. We’ve been set free to experience the Spirit of sonship—forgiveness, acceptance, and liberty. How are you allowing the Spirit of sonship to reign in your heart? By faith, how can you accept your acceptance in Christ?

• According to the Scriptures, who are you in Christ? Who are you to Christ?

Comfort the Conscience

The Bible teaches that believers are priests (1 Peter 2:1-8) and that God commands Christians to confess their sins one to another (James 5). Throughout Church history, believers knew mutual confession as the mutual consolation of the brethren through private confession.

When we have laid bare our conscience to our brother and privately make known to him the evil that lurked within, we receive from our brother’s lips the word of comfort spoken by God himself. And if we accept this in faith, we find peace in the mercy of God speaking to us through our brother (Luther, Bondage of the Will, 1531/1947, p. 201).

You can help people to experience a comforted conscience through spiritual conversations like:

• Tell me about times when you’ve experienced God’s forgiveness. What was it like?

• What Scriptures have you turned to, to find Christ’s forgiveness? Grace? Love? Friendship?

• The Bible talks so much about God’s grace, forgiveness, and acceptance of us based on our faith in Christ’s death for our sins. When are you most aware of and impacted by these truths? What does God seem to do to bring you to these points of awareness? How do you tend to be cooperating with God as he brings you to these points of awareness?

• How are you allowing other Christians to help you to enjoy and appreciate God’s grace?

• Let’s talk about ways that you’re using the spiritual disciplines to appreciate God’s grace.

• What passages are you meditating on to help you to cling to Christ’s forgiveness?

• Who offers you human tastes of grace that somehow mirror God’s infinite grace?

Join the Conversation

Which sample spiritual conversation do you most need?

Speaking the Truth in Love: Biblical Confrontation

The Big Idea: Learn biblical principles of mutual confrontation in love. (Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.)

Biblical confrontation has earned a “bum rap.” To correct that, consider the following biblical definition based upon 2 Timothy 2:25.

• Confrontation shows people how they are intoxicated by the lies of the world, the flesh, and the Devil.

In 2 Timothy 2:25, Paul commands Timothy to “gently instruct (confront, correct) those who oppose themselves.” The phrase “oppose themselves” develops from the Greek word for antithesis, a contrary position. In the middle tense as it is here, it means to stand opposed to oneself, to place oneself in opposition to oneself.

Confrontation shows Christians how they are standing opposed to themselves. It exposes how believers are living inconsistently with their new hearts—as new creations in Christ. It demonstrates how their lives are inconsistent with their stated beliefs. It reveals how they are buying the lie of the Satan’s work’s narrative rather than being rooted in the truth of Christ’s grace narrative. Confrontation points out discrepancies.

In 2 Timothy 2:22-26, Paul explains the character of the confronter, the process of confrontation, the goal of confronting, and the true enemy in confrontation.

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him (oppose themselves) he must gently instruct (confront, correct), in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

The Character of the Confronter

Confrontation requires the character quality of integrity. To confront another person, Timothy first has to confront himself. He has to flee (put off) evil desires and pursue (put on) godly affections. He removes the log from his eye by living out of a pure heart, before he confronts the heart of another.

Confrontation also requires humility. Timothy shuns fights, quarrels, and stupid arguments. Instead, he is to be kind and patient toward others, especially with those who are refractory. He sees himself as the Lord’s servant voluntarily under Christ’s authority.

Confrontation further requires spirituality. Biblical confrontation is not bold and bullying. It is gentle and patient. In confronting, Timothy practices patience (2:24). That is, he bears up under wrong. When confronting others, they frequently become displeased with him. To bear up without resentment, Timothy needs forbearance.

Timothy is also to confront in meekness (2 Timothy 2:25). Meekness includes a temper of spirit and managed strength released with gentleness, humility, and concern. The meek person neither fights against God nor enters power struggles with others. The meek spiritual friend displays the opposite of self-assertion and self-interest.

The Process of Confrontation

The process of confrontation requires the ability to teach (2:24). Timothy needs to skillfully relate doctrine to conduct. He has to relate truth to human relationships.

Paul uses the phrase “gently instruct” to describe the nature of such teaching. The Greek word relates to schooling and in this context emphasizes corrective instruction.

Its root form literally means to train children. Such child training requires practicality. It also necessitates explanation, as opposed to simply handing down rules by fiat. Much more than mere exhortation to stop a behavior, it involves instruction in the process of heart change leading to behavioral change.

The process of confrontation also requires savvy. “Those who oppose themselves he must gently confront in the hope that God will grant them repentance” (2:25, author’s translation, emphasis added). Timothy avoids power struggles and a quarrelsome spirit by realizing that it is not his role, but God’s, to bring about repentance. His role is simply to gently instruct by demonstrating discrepancies.

The Goal of Confrontation

The goal of instructive correction (confrontation) is maturity: love out of a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5). Thus the goal is virtue (2 Peter 1:3-11): character, not simply content.

Biblical instruction/confrontation includes a presentation of a clear worldview (grace narrative) and the implications derived from it (grace relationships). Confrontation promotes spiritual development through personal influence; it is the relational presentation of God’s worldview. It skillfully explores any discrepancies between grace narratives and works narratives and grace relationships and works relationships.

Paul further develops the goal of gentle biblical confrontation when he writes, “that they may recover themselves” (2 Timothy 2:26, author’s translation). Thus, the goal is sobriety and sanity. To “recover” means to return to soberness as from a state of delirium where one is under the control of an outside element—the controlling passions of the flesh, intoxicated with false worldviews, and snared by the Devil. Confrontation helps a person return to a sound mind—a whole, healthy mind that thinks and lives with integrity.

The True Enemy in Confrontation

The goal of confrontation points to the true enemy in confrontation—escape from the snare of the Devil who has taken them captive to do his will. “Snare” (2 Timothy 2:26) is a trap that fastens or holds fast, a net, a noose. Various ancient authors used the word for seductive women and for the Trojan Horse. A snare is anything that entices with something desirable. It promises pleasure, but gives pain. When snared, a believer is caught in the net of self-deception and captured by the Devil’s delusion.

So consider who the true enemy is here. Your counselee or parishioner is not the ultimate enemy, Satan is. He has taken the person captive. You attack Satan with God’s spiritual armor rather than attacking your spiritual friend.

Pictured how Paul paints it, confrontation is the loving presentation of truth applied to specific inconsisten areas of our spiritual friend’s life. When responded to positively, the results are freedom from the Devil’s seduction and freedom to live out God’s truth in love.

Join the Conversation

How could you apply biblical principles of mutual confrontation to your spiritual friendships?

This Week’s Top Five: The Best of the Best Around the Net (8/28/10)

The Big Idea: The Best of the Best Around the Net links you to the top five Christian blog posts of the week—posts that provide robust, rich, and relevant insights for living.

We Are One

Every pastor and every church member needs to read this post. Pastor Tullian Tchividjian of Coral Ridge explains why his church has “gone blended.” That is, rather than divide his congregation between contemporary praise music and traditional church hymns, Coral Ridge has decided that it is a theological, Gospel issue to use both types of music. Read his compelling reasons in We Are One.

The Bible Is Not About You

Justin Taylor links us to, summarizes, and comments on Tim Keller’s sermon that The Bible Is Basically Not About You. It’s all about Him.

The Archer and the Arrow

Discerning Reader is a premier Christian book review site. This week Tim Challies reviews an important new book on preaching—The Archer and the Arrow.

32 Minutes of Holy Encouragement

Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile blogs daily at Pure Church. He loves highlighting other pastors as in this post on 32 Minutes of Holy Encouragement. In it he links to Pastor Ligion Duncan’s sermon “Every Dream Lost. Every Dream Fulfilled.” Of it, Pastor Thabiti says, “It’s riveting from start to finish, filled with hope for all of us who have, are, or will experience deep loss in God’s providence.”

Bob Newhart Counseling

Justin Taylor’s Between Two Worlds Blog has a great guest post by biblical counselor David Powlison. It starts with the classic Bob Newhart Stop It! Video. Then Dr. Powlison explains several features of robust biblical counseling in The Riches of Biblical Counseling.

Join the Conversation

Of The Best of the Best Around the Net, which post impacted you the most? Why? What blog posts have you enjoyed this week that you want to share with others?

Gospel Conversations: The Remedy to “Take Two Verses and Call Me in the Morning”

The Big Idea: Do you want to remedy the shallow stereotype of “take two verses and call me in the morning?” Are you ready to stop putting band-aids on your friends’ suffering and sin? Then engage in mutual gospel conversations based upon a biblical way of looking at and living life. (Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.)

Gospel Conversations: Ephesians 4:29

People struggling with suffering and wrestling with besetting sins need whispers, not shouts. Don’t holler curses; whisper grace.

Caring gospel conversations use biblical wisdom principles to engage your spiritual friends in discussions that help them to think through their external situation and internal heart condition. The core relational competency necessary for this soul care art is the ability to trialogue.

In a monologue you speak to me, in a dialogue we speak to each other, and in trialogues together we listen to God as He speaks to us through His all-sufficient Word. In trialogues, we make the presence of God the central dynamic in our conversation. We interact in Jesus’ name helping people to face personal issues on a personal level. Our personal relationship with them helps them to deepen their personal relationship with Christ.

Gospel conversations invite your spiritual friends into an exchange so they can experience the passion of having been changed by grace. They invite your spiritual friends into a vivid, robust experience of grace narratives through grace relationships.

Consider just a sampling of biblical passages that depict trialogues:

• “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

• “See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:12-13).

• “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith . . . And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:22, 24-25).

The Shape of Gospel Conversations

The tongue has the capacity to offer life-giving resources that nourish the soul, or to be a power for life-draining energies that poison the soul. “From the fruit of his mouth a man’s stomach is filled: with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:20-21). Gospel conversations are good talk about our good God and Christ’s good news in the midst of our bad life in our sinful world.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Gospel conversations are grace conversations. Law conversations crush people and destroy relationships (compare Matthew 23). Grace conversations edify people and build relationships.

“Unwholesome” words are corrupt and rotten like decaying fruit. They’re putrid, defiling, and injuring words. They’re toxic speech—words that poison others, making their spirit sick. Paul’s emphasis is clear in the original language: “All words of rottenness, do not let come out of your mouth.” Spiritual friends restrain themselves, refusing to speak until they understand what words will be:

• Helpful: Good because they flow from moral character and promote beautiful living.

• Strengthening/Building Up Others: Edifying words that bring improvement and promote maturity.

• According to Their Need: Carefully chosen words that specifically fill up a need, meet a lack, minister to a want, or express care in a difficulty, where it is most necessary.

• Beneficial: Ministering grace. Attractive speech that helps others to receive God’s love poem and become God’s love poetry. They are grace-gift words—generously given, freely granted words that accept, that free, that empower, and that give hope.

To the Colossians, Paul writes, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). Grace words are words of connection, giving, affirming, accepting, freeing, and justifying. They are seasoned with salt—they preserve relationships with God, others, and self.

James, after describing the fiery and poisonous nature of words (James 3:1-8), notes that, “with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness” (James 3:9). In James 3:10-16, James teaches that Satan is the ultimate source of cursing words—harmful, hurtful, damaging words that wish a judgment upon someone.

The most harmful words involve cursing conversations, law relationships, and condemning speech filled with wrath and scorn. Grace words, by contrast, are motivated by purity, pursue peace, and produce the fruit of righteousness (James 3:17-18).

Join the Conversation

Who needs your grace words today? How will you minister to this person through gospel conversations?

Five Biblical Reasons for Spiritual Listening: God’s Word about Human Words

The Big Idea: Learn five biblical reasons why listening is a scriptural concept not a secular technique. Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.

Listening carefully to people’s words is biblical, not secular. Listen to what God’s Word teaches about listening to human words:

• Words Are Powerful

• Words Are Meaningful

• Words Convey Soul Messages

• Words Are Worthy of Soulful Attentiveness

• Words Reflect One of Two Life Interpretations

Words Are Powerful: Proverbs 18:21

“The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21). That’s power. The tongue, says James, is a small body part with power far beyond its size (James 3:1-5a). “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire” (James 3:5b-6). That’s power. Listen carefully to the powerful, life and death words of your spiritual friends.

Words Are Meaningful: Proverbs 18:4; 20:5

“The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters” (Proverbs 18:4). “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). Words carry the soul’s longings, beliefs, purposes, and feelings. Through careful, caring listening, you perceive the depth of the soul. Through active, accurate listening, you draw out the meaning of the soul—the hidden desires, convictions, goals, and emotions.

Words Convey Soul Messages: Psalm 39:1-3; Matthew 12:33-37

“Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Spoken words flow out of the depths of the heart revealing the content of the heart. The good heart bears nourishing fruit conveyed by wholesome words, while the evil heart bears poisonous fruit conveyed by unwholesome words. If you want to know your spiritual friends, then listen skillfully to their words.

Words Are Worthy of Soulful Attentiveness: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19

“He who answers before listening—that is his folly, that is his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). The caring soul carefully listens to words spoken from the soul.

Words Reflect One of Two Life Interpretations: Job 42:7

“After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, ‘I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has’” (Job 42:7). Job and his three friends witnessed one situation, but derived two vastly different interpretations. The set of information involved Job’s life experience. The first interpretation consisted of the works, condemnation, cursing, and shame narrative of life inspired by Satan. The second consisted of the grace, faith, openness, and acceptance narrative inspired by God. According to God, Job got him right; Job’s friends got God all wrong.

Whenever you listen, you listen for three sets of stories. Listen for your spiritual friends’ life stories: listen attentively to what they’re saying about what they’re experiencing. Then listen to two possible interpretations of their stories. Listen attentively for signs of Satan’s narrative creeping in. Additionally, listen attentively to God’s narrative gaining dominance. These competing interpretive frameworks are at work in every life story.

Join the Conversation

Which of the five biblical principles of spiritual listening is most important in your ministry to others? Why?

Learn Six Biblical Principles of Spiritual Listening: LISTEN

The Big Idea: When your friend is hurting or struggling in life, learn how to LISTEN spiritually. Excerpted from Spiritual Friends.

Use the following acrostic (LISTEN) to remind yourself of basic components of competent spiritual listening.

• L Loving Motivation: Proverbs 21:13

• I Intimate Concern: Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6; James 3:17-18

• S Slow to Speak: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19

• T Timing: Proverbs 15:23; 25:11

• E Encouraging: Hebrews 3:7-19; 10:24-25

• N Need-Focused Hearing: Ephesians 4:29

L Loving Motivation: Proverbs 21:13

“If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13). As a loving spiritual friends, you are motivated, like God, to listen for, hear, care about, empathize with, and respond to the hurts of the wounded. What drives careful listening is not secular theory or human curiosity. Care does. Christ-like compassion does.

I Intimate Concern: Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6; James 3:17-18

Paul (Galatians 6:1-3; Colossians 4:6) emphasizes the humble, spiritual, gentle, and gracious concern that accompanies competent spiritual listening. James (James 3:17-18), in a context sandwiched between the use of the tongue and the cause of quarrels, explains that wisdom for living flows from a heart that loves people and peace, a soul that is considerate and submissive, and a mind that is impartial and sincere.

S Slow to Speak: Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19

James is emphatic. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Solomon explains why. “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). Remember a basic principle of spiritual friendship: hear your friend’s story before you tell God’s story to your friend.

T Timing: Proverbs 15:23; 25:11

“A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23). “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). “Apt” means fitting, timely, given in due season. As a skillful spiritual friend, speak words said at the right time, in the right way, for the right reason because of right listening.

E Exploring: Hebrews 3:7-19; 10:24-25

Both Hebrews 3 and 10 speak of encouraging in the context of exploratory listening. Before you encourage your friend, tune into, see, listen, and hear what is going on in your spiritual friend’s life (external situation) and heart (internal reaction).

N Need-Focused Hearing: Ephesians 4:29

Before speaking words that benefit others, listen for specific needs. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). As you listen, ask: “What is it that my spiritual friend most needs? What are his hurts and wounds? What are her fears and scars? What wholesome words relate to her specific situation? Specifically, given his situation, what words will benefit him?”

Join the Conversation

Of the six principles of spiritual listening, which one do you most need to develop further?

Who LISTENs spiritually to you?

Walk in the Word Partnership

Pastor James MacDonald, founding Sr. Pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel and host of the radio program Walk in the Word is partnering with Bob Kellemen, BMH Books, and GriefShare on God’s Healing for Life’s Losses. Pastor James has chosen God’s Healing for Life’s Losses as the featured resource for his program from August 15th to August 30th. Click here for your copy.

Here’s just one snippet of several that you can hear the next two weeks on Walk in the Word regarding what Pastor James has to say about the book.

Announcer: “I’m excited to tell you about a brand new book called God’s Healing for Life’s Losses. You know James, when someone’s going through a hard time, isn’t it good to point them to the wisdom of God’s Word?”

Pastor James MacDonald: “I love people who can take God’s Word, teach it without apology, and bring it to bear on the questions that people are asking. The Bible has the answers to life’s most complex questions, and Bob faithfully brings out those answers. That’s why we need to rely upon trusted teachers like Bob who have the skill to bring God’s Word to bear upon the things that are most perplexing in life.”

Announcer: “That’s right, and one of those trusted teachers, Bob Kellemen, provides excellent biblical help for those who are hurting. You’re invited to get in touch with us today for his book entitled, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting. The book is available right now when you give a donation of any amount to support the ministry of Walk in the Word. Call 888-581-9673. You can also go online to www.walkintheword.com. Or, if you prefer writing to us, just include a donation of any amount with your request for the book God’s Healing for Life’s Losses. Write to: Walk in the Word, PO Box 5368, Elgin, IL 60121.”

More About Walk in the Word

Walk in the Word is the Bible teaching ministry of Dr. James MacDonald, pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel in the suburbs of Chicago. The radio program emphasizes the precise exposition of God’s Word along with life application. Igniting passion in the people of God through the proclamation of truth is not just their motto—it’s their daily commitment. Through audio, video, web, printed resources, and listener events, Walk in the Word provides personal and practical teaching that leads listeners to the transforming power of God.

Join the Conversation

What impact has Pastor James MacDonald’s ministry had on your life?

Pastor James MacDonald

This Week’s Top Five: The Best of the Best Around the Net

The Big Idea: The Best of the Best Around the Net links you to the top five blog posts of the past week—posts that provide robust, rich, and relevant insights for living.

No More Bible Bandaids

Mike Emlet begins a blog series called No More Bible Bandaids. It’s taken from portions of his excellent book CrossTalk: Where Life and Scripture Meet. (Read a Review of CrossTalk.) CrossTalk, like Spiritual Friends, each teach practical remedies for “take two verses and call me in the morning.” They provide instead a robust, relational approach to speaking the truth in love.

African American Christians Focus on the Family

A new study reported by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports that African American families focus on their family and their faith at a higher rate than other Americans. Read the full article and learn more about the study at Religion Helps Marriages.

The Making of African America

Phil Monroe shares some counseling implications he’s pondered as he is reading Ira Berlin’s The Making of African America: The Four Great Migrations. Phil asks what impact change of place—whether chosen or forced, has upon our theology. For an extensive discussion of how African Americans responded to forced change of place, see Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care.

Just the Way I Am

John Piper recommends Just the Way I Am as a great book to address the age-old question of why God allows evil and suffering. Check out his video here. For a 1,000-word summary of a Christian approach to facing suffering face-to-face with God, read A Biblical Model of Grieving.

Theology Today

Kevin DeYoung blogs about A Great Opportunity for Theology. Quoting from Dorothy Sayers’ Letters to a Diminished Church, DeYoung reflects on how American church culture provides a great opportunity for great theology.

Join the Conversation

Of The Best of the Best Around the Net, which post impacted you the most? Why? What blog posts have you enjoyed this week that you want to share with others?