Author Interview Q & A on Equipping Counselors for Your Church

The Biblical Counseling Coalition recently interviewed me about my upcoming book Equipping Counselors for Your Church. Here’s their author interview Q & A.

BCC: “Bob, what’s the big idea behind Equipping Counselors for Your Church? What would you like readers to take away from the book?”

BK: “I had two assumptions as I wrote the book. First, pastors, counselors, and educators are passionate about equipping God’s people for every-member ministry as biblical counselors. Second, they are tired of seeing great effort expended on ‘programs’ that don’t launch, don’t last, or don’t result in leaving a legacy of loving leaders. So am I. That’s why in Equipping Counselors for Your Church I offer a biblical, field-tested, best-practice approach to equipping God’s people for biblical counseling. As a result of reading the book, readers will be able to apply to their unique setting the ‘4E’ ministry training strategy of envisioning God’s ministry, enlisting God’s ministers for ministers, equipping godly ministers, and empowering godly ministers for ministry.”

BCC: “What motivated you to write Equipping Counselors for Your Church?”

BK: “By God’s grace, I’ve had the joy of launching and leading biblical counseling equipping ministries in three very diverse churches. Then, for the past fifteen years I’ve had the privilege of teaching pastors and counselors the ‘4E’ process as a professor at Capital Bible Seminary. Additionally, for the last decade I’ve consulted with scores of churches about the launch process. In each situation, people kept saying, ‘Dr. Kellemen, you need to turn this material into a book. There’s nothing else out there like this that provides a practical map without becoming a one-size-fits-all strait-jacket.’ So, it was really pastors, church leaders, biblical counselors, and students who motivated me to write Equipping Counselors for Your Church.”

BCC: “Is the book only for equipping ‘biblical counselors,’ or is there a larger, broader focus? Who should read Equipping Counselors for Your Church?”

BK: “In my classes and consulting, I’ve had students and church leaders use these ‘4E’ principles to plant churches, to launch small group ministries, to start women’s ministries, to begin para-church organizations, and more. The comprehensive, field-tested, best practice principles fit for anyone who wants to move from any ministry launch to ongoing ministry leadership. While the focus is on ‘biblical counseling,’ the broader emphasis is on equipping for one-another ministry so that every member is not only a minister, but a disciple-maker. Anyone interested in applying the 2 Timothy 2:2 process in their ministry would be the right ‘audience’ for the book.”

BCC: “You note that in one sense you did not write this book alone, but with twenty-four best practice church partners. Tell us about how these two dozen leading churches impacted the book.”

BK: “I’m convinced that no one person can possibly outline a comprehensive approach to church equipping. So, I enlisted twenty-four friends to share their insights—in a multitude of counselors there is great wisdom. Among these two dozen churches are ‘mega-churches’ and ‘average size churches,’ and ‘small churches.’ There are churches that are predominantly Caucasian, African American, Asian American, and multi-cultural churches. I included urban, suburban, and rural churches. In every chapter I weave in their diverse insights that provide readers with a robust, relational GPS. In this way each church can apply the ‘4E’ principles in a way that uniquely fits their specific calling in their particular congregation and community.”

BCC: “You’re not writing out of academic theory, but out of real-life pastoral experience. How has your experience equipping believers in three churches impacted your writing of the book?”

BK: “Mainly I’m seeking to help readers not to make the same mistakes I made! For example, my first church was a ‘mega-church’ of over 3,000 in an urban setting with a long history of extensive equipping ministries. My second church was a smaller rural church with little history of equipping the laity. Initially I made the huge rookie mistake of trying to plop down the ‘mega-church’ model on my second church. I quickly had to backpedal. That’s why in the book I teach ‘relational change management and biblical conflict resolution.’ Big picture—this is not a pie-in-the-sky book. I know personally the struggles and joys, the downs and ups of launching and leading equipping ministries—in three very different churches. I’m trying to share that ‘wisdom’ with my readers.”

BCC: “Big picture: what are the ‘4Es’ and could you briefly summarize what happens if any one of them is neglected?”

BK: “God ‘wired’ my brain with a focus on being comprehensive and ‘both/and.’ I’ve found how important this is when launching and leading biblical counseling ministries. In fact, in my consulting, I’m often asked to help churches to re-launch their ministries because something just didn’t ‘take.’ Once we start interacting, inevitably we discover that at least one of the 4Es was missing or minimized. Those 4Es are: 1.) Envisioning God’s Ministry: Jointly creating mission, vision, passion, and commission (MVP-C) statements that nourish the compassion, conviction, and connection needed to launch flourishing biblical counseling ministries.” 2.) Enlisting God’s Ministers for Ministry: Mobilizing ministers by nurturing a family and building a team prepared for change, skilled in conflict resolution, and connected to the MVP-C Statement. 3.) Equipping Godly Ministers for Ministry: Applying transformational transformational training strategies that comprehensively address the “4Cs” of biblical content, Christ-like character, counseling competence, and Christian community. 4.) Empowering Godly Ministers for Ministry: Overseeing the ongoing ‘organizing of the organism’ by leading ministries that are built to last, that grow from good to great, and that leave a legacy of loving leaders.”

BCC: “Equipping Counselors for Your Church has a built-in discussion-application guide. How do you envision churches using the book?”

BK: “I like to say, ‘This is not your father’s equipping manual!’ Past approaches tend to be too academic (not written from the ‘trenches’ of real-life ministry), too uniformed (not written with the realization that every church and community is unique), and too ‘secular’ (not written from a biblical theology of equipping). Thus, I envision churches using Equipping Counselors for Your Church as a workbook that a ministry leadership team walks through together. Launching and leading ministries is a relational process that God’s people share in a collegial way. The discussion-application guide helps ministry teams to interact in relational, practical ways so that they experience one-another community as they launch a one-another ministry.”

BCC: “Equipping Counselors for Your Church has an extensive Appendix with dozens of practical, user-friendly resources. Introduce our listeners to some of those resources.”

BK: “People who have reviewed and recommended the book have made the proverbial comment more than once, ‘The Appendix is worth the price of the book!’ It is extensive: over 125 pages! It is practical: sample Mission-Vision-Passion-Commission Statements, sample Congregational Analysis Forms, sample Informed Consent Forms, sample Confidentiality Statements, sample Church Discipline Statements, and much more. While I’m convinced that every church must apply biblical equipping principles to their unique setting, I’m also convinced that there’s no reason to ‘reinvent the wheel.’ The extensive Appendix provides ministry leaders with the head start that I wish I had in my three church equipping ministries.”

BCC: “How can people learn more about Equipping Counselors for Your Church?”

BK: “They can visit P&R Publishing. They can order the book at all the typical online sites such as Amazon and CBD. They can download a free sample chapter, read reviews and recommendations, view the video book trailer, download materials from the Appendix (after the book is released in September 2011), and order the book at the RPM Ministries Equipping page.” 

BCC: “Thanks, Bob, for introducing our readers to this comprehensive resource for everyone committed to equipping biblical counselors.”

Putting Your Past in Its Place

Book Details

• Author: Stephen Viars, D.Min.

• Publisher: Harvest House (February 2011) (248 Pages)

• Category: Biblical Counseling, Christian Living

• ISBN: 978-0-7369-2739-0

• Retail Price: $12.99

• Reviewer: Bob Kellemen

Biblical “Balance”

Christians who attempt to address the crucial topic of the past tend toward extremes. At times, we fall into the trap of “the past is everything” mindset. We blame our past and use it as an excuse. At other times, we careen to the opposite extreme of “the past is nothing.” We rip out of context and misapply Paul’s words about forgetting the things which are behind (Philippians 3:1-15).

In Putting Your Past in Its Place, Pastor Steve Viars avoids both extremes. As he notes:

“Both extremes are problematic for students of Scripture. If the past is nothing, then why did God create us with the ability to remember? Why are we instructed, for example, to not let the sun go down on our wrath (Ephesians 4:26) if today isn’t going to effect tomorrow? But the past is everything view is equally troubling. The Scripture does not encourage us to view ourselves as helpless victims whose choices today are outside our ability to understand or change” (p. 18).

Viars then spends a complete chapter developing a “theology of the past.” With that foundation laid, the rest of Putting Your Past in Its Place is a practical theology of what the Bible teaches about how we deal with our past scripturally.

Suffering and Sin

The modern biblical counseling movement at times has emphasized the confrontation of sin, somewhat to the neglect of comfort for suffering. Viars addresses both by helping readers to organize their past into their innocent past (suffering) and their guilty past (sin). He then delineates between whether we handled our past well or poorly.

The rest of the book treks with readers through the four categories of:

• The “Innocent Past” (suffering) when you Responded Well: You were sinned against, but did not sin in return. Respond now with “Authentic Suffering.”

• The “Innocent Past” (suffering) when you Responded Poorly: You were sinned against, but your response displeased God. Respond now with “Humble Analysis.”

• The “Guilty Past” (sin) when you Responded Well: You blew it, but then acknowledged your failure and handled matters appropriately. Respond now with “Joyful Remembrance.”

• The “Guilty Past” (sin) when you Responded Poorly: You sinned and then took additional steps that displeased God further. Respond now with “Honest Self-Confrontation.”

Viars is anything but naïve. So immediately after introducing these four categories, he explains:

“It is okay if your ‘baloney detector’ is going off right about now. I am not suggesting that the Bible teaches these four categories in some sort of absolute and rigid fashion. Rather, these categories help us to clarify what happened and how we responded. That, in turn, helps us to know what biblical principles to apply” (p. 67).

Viars spends three chapters on “authentic suffering” and dealing with our innocent past. He emphasizes biblical principles of facing it honestly, biblically, hopefully, and missionally. He develops “humble analysis” and dealing with our guilty past in two chapters. Here he encourages readers to ponder six diagnostic questions to discern how to respond today to one’s guilty past.

The three chapters on “joyful remembrance” help readers to respond to their guilty past when they handled their sin biblically. Here Viars focuses on what to do when we do not feel forgiven and when we continually rehearse our failures. The two chapters on “honest self-confrontation” teach how to handle our guilty past when we responded unbiblically. Here Viars helps readers to address heart issues and patterns rather than focusing on symptoms, while also directing readers to their only hope—rejoicing in the forgiveness of our Redeemer.

Real-Life Narratives

At first glance, these four categories might imply something of a mechanical approach. Nothing could be further from the truth. Throughout Putting Your Past in Its Place, what shines through is Viars’ decades of experience as a pastor and biblical counselor working with real people with real issues. His creative illustrations, engaging stories, personal examples, weaving in of Jill’s story, real-life testimonials, and questions for personal reflection and group discussion all result in the most reader-friendly counseling book you’ll ever find.

Viars has devoted his life and ministry to helping others change—biblically. Putting Your Past in Its Place is the result of that lifelong ministry. Whether you’re struggling with the process of change related to past suffering or to past sin, this book provides the seasoned, compassionate, pastoral, hope-filled, biblical wisdom you need.

While I highly recommend Putting Your Past in Its Place for the person in the pew, I’m also convinced that it will be a theory-altering, practice-changing book for pastors and biblical counselors. Viars models the sufficiency of Scripture for everyday life like no one I have read. Pastors and counselors can learn from him not only how to help their parishioners and counselees to deal with the past, but even more, how to view and use the Scriptures to develop a theology and methodology for dealing with any life issue.

In an era when our resources seem at times to bounce between theology unrelated to life and self-help manuals not grounded in God’s truth, Putting Your Past in Its Place is a breath of fresh air. The “sufficiency of Scripture” has become something of a buzz word in biblical counseling—used at times without definition or real-life descriptions. By grounding his practical theology in a biblical theology of the past, Viars models a robust, relational, real-world approach to the sufficiency of Scripture. He shows that God’s Word is relevant to all of life, and offers uniquely profound insights for living.

Note: This review first appeared at the Gospel Coalition Book Review site. Read it there at Putting Your Past in Its Place.

Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God. A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope 

Book Details

• Authors: Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan

• Reviewer: Bob Kellemen

• Publisher: WaterBrook (May 2011) (240 Pages)

• Category: Homosexuality

• ISBN: 978-0307729354

• Retail Price: $14.99

A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope

We are all drawn to stories of redemption. For many Christians, Luke 15 and the Parable of the Prodigal Son is one of the most moving narratives in all of Scripture. Out of a Far Country is a true-life parable that reads like a modern rendition of the prodigal son, with the addition of a prodigal mother. Co-authors Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan share their powerful stories in which they were both lost, both found redemption, and both found their ultimate identity in Christ.

Christopher and Angela Yuan’s mother-son narrative in Out of a Far Country is especially poignant because Christopher’s redemption includes his sexuality. Mother and son share their journey in real and raw language in alternating chapters, each from their own perspective.

Angela begins the narrative by honestly sharing the shame, disgrace, heartache, depression, and confusion she experienced when she learned her son was gay. Angela’s parental pain is something to which any parent of any prodigal facing any sin issue—not only same-sex attraction and sexual identify issues—can relate.

That’s the core message of Out of a Far Country. Where do parents find hope for their parental hurts? Angela’s first option of choice is the option we all choose in the flesh—self-effort. As she puts it, “I would do anything to fix my son” (p. 3).

Unable to fix her son, Angela lost all hope and planned to end her life. Then, in reading a booklet about God’s love for homosexuals, she realized that “God loves even me.” As Angela describes it, “I had not been seeking God, but I was found by him. Suddenly it seemed possible that my visit with Christopher—the visit that I had envisioned as one last goodbye—might actually be the beginning of something new” (p. 19).

Angela vividly portrays her spiritual journey as an identity journey. “I no longer had to be perfect. My Father in heaven loved me anyway. It was all I could do to keep from shouting, ‘I’m a sinner! I’m a sinner! I’m a sinner!’” (p. 32). Angela now shifted her focus from changing her son’s sexual identity to finding her own identity in Christ as a sinner saved by grace.

This is the vital metaphor, the scarlet thread, woven throughout Out of a Far Country. In Christ, our core identity is not our sexual identity, but our spiritual identity either as rebellious prodigals with our backs to God or as redeemed sons and daughters embraced by our forgiving Father.

Changed by Christ, Angela now lived a changed life in which she no longer focused on changing her son, but on being “the extension of God’s love to Christopher” (p. 89). For the parent of any prodigal struggling with any sin issue, Out of a Far Country models parental surrender to God as we release our adult children to God’s good hands and as we attempt to be “Jesus with skin on” for our children.

A Gay Son’s Journey to God

Christopher begins his narrative, which is not for the squeamish, with “Out of the Closet” (chapter two). Having told his parents he was gay and proud, he was kicked out. Now he felt free. Little did he know how bound he was and how bound he would become. Finding acceptance in the gay community, Christopher felt, for the first time, like he had a family. Little did he know how quickly this “family” would desert him and how fervently his heavenly Father was pursuing him—inviting him into His eternal family.

Christopher’s tells his narrative as a journey with many hills and valleys—gay relationships, drug dealing, partying, rejection, arrest, emptiness, HIV. On the one hand, living the high life, on the other hand, experiencing the lowest of lows. As he pictures it:

“Not even my friends wanted me. They wouldn’t even accept a collect call. I was nothing more than a reject, a throwaway. I took a deep breath and let out a sigh as my shoulders slumped and I dropped my head. I was about to turn toward my cell when something on top of the trash caught my eye. I bent over and picked up a Gideon’s New Testament” (p. 129).

Through a dizzying series of horrific events (arrest, incarceration, an AIDS diagnosis), Christopher hit rock bottom and then found himself clinging to the Rock of ages. Meditating on Jeremiah 29:12-14, he saw that “God could restore me and bring me back from captivity…. He wanted to be a part of my life—no matter who I was or what I had done…. With God I had no record; I had no debt to be paid; I had no shameful past” (p. 148).

In his speaking engagements and on his website, Christopher presents the gospel clearly. In Out of a Far Country, the gospel message is there in his life narrative, however, one might wish it had been presented with a little more clarity and detail.

Holy Sexuality

Those expecting a full-blown theological treatise on homosexuality would be disappointed by Out of a Far Country. That is not the purpose of the book. However, in one chapter (chapter thirty), Christopher does distill his understanding of homosexuality. Christopher’s approach is more narrative than didactic.

“I turned to the Bible alone and went through every verse, every chapter, every page of Scripture looking for biblical justification for homosexuality. I couldn’t find any. I was at a turning point, and a decision had to be made. Either abandon God to live as a homosexual—by allowing my feelings and sexual passions to dictate who I was. Or abandon homosexuality—by liberating myself from my feelings—and live as a follower of Jesus Christ. My decision was obvious. I chose God” (p. 186).

Christopher began to ask the identity question that every person struggling with same-sex attraction must ask. “Who am I apart from my sexuality?” He came to the conclusion that:

“…my identity shouldn’t be defined by my sexuality. Paul said in Acts 17:28, ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ Christ should be everything—my all in all. My sexual orientation didn’t have to be the core of who I was. My primary identity didn’t have to be defined by my feelings or sexual attractions. My identity was not ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual,’ or even ‘heterosexual,’ for that matter. But my identity as a child of the living God must be in Jesus Christ alone” (p. 187).

Some may take issue with Christopher’s conclusion that “holy sexuality is not focused on orientation change—becoming straight—but on obedience. I realized that obedience means, no matter what my situation, no matter what my feelings—gay or straight—I must obey and be faithful to God” (p. 187).

His view is that we all have sexual temptations that we must deal with until our glorification—some are tempted with heterosexual lusts and others with homosexual lusts.

“Holy sexuality doesn’t mean that I no longer have any sexual feelings or attractions. Nor is it the obliteration of my sexuality either. God created us as sexual beings with the natural desire for intimacy. And everyone is created to desire intimate, God-honoring, nonsexual relationships with the same gender. But because of the effects of original sin, this normal feeling has been distorted. I believe homosexuality (and any other sin, such as jealousy, pride, and gluttony) stems from a legitimate need fulfilled in an illegitimate way” (p. 188).

He further develops his view of holy sexual in two contexts. For the married person, “holy sexuality means focusing all our sexual feelings and behaviors exclusively toward one person, our spouse” (p. 188). He believes that this level of change is possible for the person with same-sex attraction.

Holy sexuality and singleness means that, “single people must devote themselves to complete faithfulness to the Lord through celibacy. This is clearly taught in Scripture, and abstinence is not something unfair or unreasonable for God to ask of his people” (p. 188).

On his web site, especially in the FAQs, Christopher develops his views in more detail on important issues such as sexual identity, same-sex attraction, sexual orientation, can gays change, and is homosexuality a choice. Perhaps a future edition of Out of a Far Country could include his FAQs in an Appendix.

Redeemed and Finally Home

Angela’s final chapter is “Redeemed” and Christopher’s is “Finally Home.” Both are appropriately titled and appropriate conclusions to Out of a Far Country. As Christopher came out and then came home, so the Father calls everyone who is a long way off to come home. Out of a Far Country speaks to prodigals, parents of prodigals, and all people wanting to minister to those struggling with same-sex attraction, pointing all of us to the Redeemer.

Note: This review first appeared at the Gospel Coalition’s book review site. To read the original review please visit Out of a Far Country. 

Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

Book Details

• Authors: Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson  

• Reviewer: Bob Kellemen

• Publisher: Crossway (2011) (216 Pages)

• Category: Parenting, Gospel-Centered Relating

• ISBN: 978-1433520099

• Retail Price: $14.99

Recommended: Mother-daughter team Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson, in Give Them Grace, shift our parental focus from well-adjusted, bright, polite, obedient children to children who are dazzled by grace because they have parents who are drenched in grace.

You’re a Christian Parent, but Is Your Parenting Christian?

That question captures the message of Give Them Grace. Co-authors, Elyse and Jessica, pointedly answer their own question. “God’s grace, lavished on us through Christ, ought to make our parenting radically different from what unbelievers do” (p. 21).

And how do non-grace parents parent? They spend more time “declaring the rules” and less time “reciting the Story” (p. 29). If Elyse and Jessica were inconsistent, they would simply teach us a series of “how to do gospel-centered parenting.” Instead, they expose the cause for rule-focused parenting. “One of the reasons we don’t share the story with our children is that it doesn’t resonate deeply in our own hearts” (p. 29).

Rather than a parental “to do” list or “three easy steps,” Give Them Grace points parents to…grace. We have to receive it, embrace it, taste it, and enjoy it, before we can dazzle our kids with God’s grace in Christ. No wonder Elyse and Jessica appropriately devote one-third of Give Them Grace to “Foundations of Grace” (chapters one to four).

Grace That Trains

Bombarded with one message—“give your children grace”—the book is not finished. Giving grace, Elyse and Jessica explain, does not negate discipleship. “Parents are to discipline, instruct, train, and nurture their children. Only a cold detachment or a selfish disdain for children’s desperate need for direction would cause us to refuse to train them” (p. 82).

So now the question becomes, what does discipline and instruction that is markedly Christian look like? Elyse and Jessica offer their gospel-centered answer:

“Paul is telling parents to daily proclaim the message about Jesus to their children and to warn or rebuke them when they forget to live in light of what Jesus had already done. He was telling them to tether every aspect of their parenting to the gospel message” (p. 85).

That phrase alone—tether every aspect of parenting to the gospel—has the power to transform how we disciple and discipline our children. The co-authors recognize something vital: the Bible is not primarily a manual on child rearing. Instead, it is the proclamation of the good news. Therefore, we must read and apply every parental text in the Bible in the gospel context (just as we must apply every marriage text in the gospel context).

What all of this looks like in daily family life is well illustrated by copious vignettes taken from real-life parenting scenarios. I especially appreciate the compare/contrast format where you read “law-based parental illustrations” and “gospel-centered parental illustrations” side-by-side.

I’ve read some reviews that wonder whether the vignettes are realistic and/or overdone. As an author myself, I realize that I’m going to say more in my vignettes than someone would say in “real life.” My thinking is, “You can always say/do less, but at least you have the comprehensive principles.” Additionally, I recognize as an author that even though my vignettes are from real life, when read from the written page, they may sound wooden or seem one-size-fits-all. Here I trust my readers to have the wisdom to translate illustrative examples into their unique context. I see Elyse and Jessica doing the same.

I find their parenting vignettes to be some of the most powerful parts of Give Them Grace. The idea is not to repeat them verbatim. Nor is the implication, as I understand it, that every conversation must be a deep “gospel conversation.” Rather, as the gospel saturates our parental hearts, then all our parental interactions will be gospel-centered even if not overtly mentioning the gospel.

I also appreciate the lengthy Appendix “Common Problems and the Gospel.” Elyse and Jessica provide an acrostic (MNTCP—Management, Nurturing, Training, Correcting, and remembering the Promises) used throughout Give Them Grace to suggest a gospel way of thinking about specific issues. Their list includes common parent-child issues like lying, disobeying, provoking others, anger/fighting, complaining, talking back, and laziness. These examples give practical wisdom principles that parents can translate for the myriad of issues they face as they seek to give their children grace.

Weak Parents and Their Strong Savior

Oddly, reading a book on parental grace, especially when your children are now out of the home (as ours are), can result in a need for grace as we see our parental failures. Elyse and Jessica are not blind to this potential response. Quoting Dave Harvey, they explain, “I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses” (p. 143). The types of folks who are most likely to read a book like Give Them Grace are likely prone toward being “Pharisaical parents”—parents who attempt to earn a good standing by pursuing “perfect” parenting. I’m thankful that Elyse and Jessica devote an entire chapter to encouraging parents to return to the foot of the cross to receive grace for our imperfect parenting.

Give Them Grace gives grace to every reader. Whether a parent or not, it is an extremely valuable book about gospel-centered living. For parents, it is a one-of-a-kind book with the power to transform parenting into the wonders and joy of new covenant ministry.

Note: This review first appeared at the Gospel Coalition Book Review site. Read it there at Give Them Grace.

The Biblical Counseling Coalition Reviews God’s Healing for Life’s Losses 

I was honored when Brad Hambrick decided to review God’s Healing for Life’s Losses for the Biblical Counseling Coalition’s review site. To read the review at the BCC visit BCC Book Review of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses.

If you’ve like to order a copy at 35% off, or, if you’d like to order ten copies at 40% off (just $9.99) visit the RPM Ministries Store. To  read a free chapter online and learn more about the book, visit the RPM God’s Healing site. And to watch the video trailer visit the God’s Healing Book Trailer.

Book Details

• Author: Bob Kellemen

• Publisher: BMH Books (2010) (116 Pages)

• Category: Biblical Counseling, Grief, Suffering

• ISBN: 978-0-88469-270-6

• Retail Price: $14.99

• Reviewed By: Brad Hambrick

A Biblical Guide for Grieving with Hope

Grief is an experience that one out of every one person will face. Actually, it is worse than that. We all experience grief multiple times throughout our lives. Unfortunately, the more people we love the more times we will experience significant grief.

In the midst of the pain we often ask ourselves, “To love or not to love (if we have a Shakespearian bent)?” “Is it really worth it to love if it means having to hurt like this (if we talk normal)?” Either way, we are tempted to consider not loving as the better option. In our moments of pain and confusion it just feels safer.

Dr. Bob Kellemen has written an excellent book to guide us biblically and relationally through this difficult (and often repetitive) season of life. The quality of the book is such that it warrants an endorsement from GriefShare, an organization devoted to developing Christ-centered grief support groups. They have included Dr. Kellemen on their panel of experts for interviews shown in thousands of grief recovery groups across the world every week.

There are three aspects of the book that I would like to highlight. Each makes God’s Healing for Life’s Losses an excellent resource for every pastor’s, counselor’s, and friend’s library; and an excellent guide for the person seeking to find God’s hope in the midst of their grief and loss.

Formatted for Grief: A Gift-Book Format

First, the book is purposefully user-friendly, focused, and short (only 116 pages total). In the midst of grief, concentration is difficult and processing anything is hard. A grieving person could pick up this book and not feel intimidated. That is important.

There are more ways to display an understanding of one’s audience than cleverly articulating penetrating insight. Dr. Kellemen reveals his compassionate heart for grieving people by writing a book that is accessible to people in the midst of their pain.

In and Out of Grief: Your Journey with Christ

Second, this book offers biblical markers for the journey through grief rooted in a well-developed theology of suffering. While aware of Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), Dr. Kellemen does not operate within this paradigm.

Instead, he offers eight “stages” (referred to as “markers on our journey with God”) rather than five (see bullets below). These are not merely three additional hoops to jump through. Whereas Kubler-Ross’s material has one final “positive” or hope giving stage—acceptance—after four heart-breaking stages, Dr. Kellemen traces the journey up out of grief in as much detail as he traces the journey down into the emotional struggle.

In each case, Dr. Kellemen walks with readers in their movement from the world’s typical “stage” to God’s pathway for growth in and through grief:

• From Denial to Candor: Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

• From Anger to Complaint: A Lament for Your Loss

• From Bargaining to Crying Out to God: I Surrender All

• From Depression to Comfort: God Comes

• From Regrouping to Waiting: When God Says “Not Yet”

• From Deadening to Wailing: Pregnant with Hope

• From Despairing to Weaving: Spiritual Mathematics

• From Digging Cisterns to Worshipping: Finding God

Taking Grief by the Hand: Grieving with Hope

Third, the book is very personal. Not “in your business” personal, but “walking with you” personal. It contains the story of Dr. Kellemen’s own experiences with grief and the testimony of many others—including scores of biblical characters and dozens of modern-day examples. More than this, Dr. Kellemen invites you into the book with guided reflection (suitable both for individual use and/or group interaction) embedded into the book.

If you take the time to reflect and record your thoughts as you read, you will have more than practical, biblical information when you finish the book. You will have a travelogue of your journey though grief that can serve as a precious memento and an encouraging refuge during those times when the pain of grief returns (holiday, birthdays, and other special occasions).

Biblical, Personal, and Healing: Refreshing Honesty

In reflecting on the overall impact of the book, I would echo the words of Garrett Higbee (President of Twelve Stones Ministries and Executive Director of Harvest Biblical Soul Care).

“God’s Healing for Life’s Losses takes on traditional thoughts about grief and loss and turns them upside down. There is refreshing honesty about the pain of loss and the permission to be real with God and others as we embrace the mourning process together. This book is biblical, personal, and healing. I highly recommend it.”

Unbroken: A Review 

Book Details

• Author: Laura Hillenbrand

• Publisher: Random House (2010)

• Category: Historical Biography

Reviewed By: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., Author of Soul Physicians, Spiritual Friends, Beyond the Suffering, Sacred Friendships, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses, and Equipping Counselors for Your Church. Find all of Bob’s book reviews, blogs, and free resources at RPM Ministries.

Recommended: A compelling tale that brings to life the true story of a forgotten hero. The great storytelling would have been greater had the author captured the true power of grace. 

Laura Hillenbrand, the bestselling author of Seabiscuit has done it again. Her latest work, Unbroken is a thrilling, beautifully written, chilling, and gut-wrenching narrative.

Unbroken tells the true story of Louie Zamperini, an Olympic runner, a WW II veteran, a castaway in the Pacific (for over forty days), a POW (for over two years), and an eventual convert to Christianity (at a 1949 Billy Graham Crusade).

Hillenbrand tells the riveting story in a gripping, page-turning style that is sure to become a movie just as Seabiscuit did. If you want to read a mesmerizing tale of the triumph of the mind over the body, read Unbroken.

Over 90% of the book focuses on Zamperini’s harrowing and almost unbelievable suffering. Very little of the book highlights how, through Christ, Zamperini learned to deal with his past suffering.

For Hillenbrand, Zamperini’s life is a tale of the triumph of the human spirit. However, that’s not how Zamperini himself views it. For his perspective, read his autobiography, Devil at My Heels.

Hillenbrand understands suffering, herself almost totally home-bound due to extreme Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. However, in this book, she does not fully capture the triumph of Christ over sin and suffering, nor the power of regeneration to transform the human soul.

Hillenbrand does depict that although Zamperini endured horrendous physical suffering, upon his return home he was unable to endure the mental anguish. Impotent to handle his past, he turns to alcohol and becomes a bitter, resentful, angry man. Although Hillenbrand shares the account of Zamperini’s encounter with Billy Graham’s preaching, it becomes little more than a “religious revival” rather than a spiritual regeneration.

Broken

The human mind may be able to endure inhuman suffering. However, the human spirit cannot overcome the spirit of evil and the dominion of sin. Zamperini’s life is not simply a story of the triumph of the human spirit. It is the story of the triumph of the Holy Spirit.

Martin Luther wrote and counseled about two types of suffering:

• External Suffering: What happens to us—the trials of life.

• Internal Suffering: What happens in us—the trials of our faith.

Internal suffering is the suffering and trial of our faith as we struggle to trust that a good God could allow evil and suffering. Apart from faith in Christ, Louie Zamperini could endure the external suffering, but he was helpless to overcome the internal suffering.

When Hillenbrand recounts Zamperini’s return, decades later, to Japan to meet those who had tortured him, she minimizes and misses the basis, the foundation for Zamperini’s offer of forgiveness. In his account, he preaches a salvation message—noting that he could only forgive because he was forgiven by Christ. He calls his former torturers to come to Christ. In Hillenbrand’s account, it’s little more than a humane offer of forgiveness, rather than a supernatural offer of amazing grace.

Perhaps the more accurate title for the book could have been Broken. Zamperini was broken by the evils he suffered. Even more, he was broken beyond repair by his own sin. He finally came to the realization that he could not fix himself—he did not need repair but regeneration, not self-help but salvation—in Christ alone.

Still, Unbroken is a book well worth reading (along with Devil at My Heels). It remind us of the power of the human spirit, but much more importantly, of the power of the Holy Spirit. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. In Christ, we can overcome sin and suffering.

Join the Conversation

Who does Christ want you to forgive? What suffering can you endure through the power of the Holy Spirit?