At 52 and 22

Today I’m 52. I was wondering recently, “What advice, counsel, and words of wisdom might I share with myself if I could go ‘back to the future’ three decades? What do I know at age 52 about life that I didn’t know at age 22, but wish I had?”

Me at 22

Life Will Be Much Harder Than You Think

This first one may not sound very positive, but it’s true. Jesus said it. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

At 22, I wasn’t entirely naïve, but close to it. I assumed that if I worked hard, behaved well, and trusted God, that overall good things would flow my way.

Looking back over the past three decades, I would tell my younger self:

“Bob, life will be much harder than you think. It’s important to know that so that you don’t expect ease or everything to go well. Because when those false expectations are dashed, then you could become greatly discouraged. But Bob, remember to take heart—even when things are hard, God is good. Find your peace in Jesus.”

Jesus Will Be Far Gentler Than You Could Ever Imagine

Looking back over three decades, I realize that life is hard but Jesus is gentle. He said so Himself. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

I think at 22 I viewed Jesus somewhat as a hard task-master. I had to live up to His perfect standard to be accepted. Quite the warped view of grace. Quite the self-sufficient, works-oriented view of life.

Travelling back three decades, I would tell my younger self:

“Rest. It’s not about your work, Bob. It’s about the work Jesus has already done on your behalf. He has paid it all. He has reconciled you to the Father. You don’t have to do a thing to be accepted by God—your acceptance is in Christ. Live by grace.”

Defining Yourself by What You Do and How You Feel Will Be More Futile Than You Want to Admit

This third piece of advice goes hand-in-hand with the previous words of wisdom. Far too often I tried to define myself by what I did (my work, my ministry, my parenting, etc.). I defined who I was by what I felt or by what I desired.

Going back to the future, I would share with my younger self:

“Bob, that scaffolding is creaky and crumbling beyond repair. What you think of yourself and what others think of you is really not important. Live by the words Paul lived by. ‘I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me’ (1 Corinthians 4:3-4). Your feelings and your desires are not you. Your identity is in Christ.”

Finding Your Identity in Christ Will Be More Thirst-Quenching Than Any False Cistern 

Again, I build upon the previous words of counsel. Instead of building my identity on my feelings or desires, or upon what I think of myself or what others think of me, I could have been building my identity on who I am to Christ and who I am in Christ.

Visiting my younger self I would share:

“Bob, you are not a slave, but a son. Live by the words of Paul. ‘For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory’ (Romans 4:15-17). Building your life, your identity, on anything but Christ is a broken cistern that can hold no water. Instead, build your life, your identity on God the Spring of Living Water and you will never thirst again (Jeremiah 2, John 4).”

You Don’t Have As Much Figured Out As You Think You Do, But That’s Okay, Rest

I’d likely say the same thing in thirty years at age 82 to my 52-year-old self. I don’t have it all figured out now. But at least at 52, I readily admit how little I know. At 22 I thought I had a clue.

I think I’d say to my younger self:

“It’s all right. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just admit it. You have a ton of living and learning to do. Enjoy the ride. Give yourself a break. You’re not perfect. You never will be. Rest in Christ’s perfection. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). Follow His way, pursue His truth, receive His life. Enjoy God. Rest in Christ. Depend upon the Spirit.”

Join the Conversation 

What words of counsel would you share with your younger self?

Spiritual Leadership and Humble Relationships: Part 2—1 Corinthians 4:1-5

In Part 1, we saw Paul (in 1 Corinthians 1:1-9) respond to his critics by saying:

“First, I want you to know that you are sanctified and holy. Second, I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ. Third, you’ve been enriched in Christ in every way—in all your speaking and knowledge. You don’t lack any spiritual gift. Christ will keep you strong and blameless to the end.”

Practicing What We Preach

I was going to turn next to 1 Corinthians 1:10, but I was struck by the question, “Where does Paul find the power and perspective to respond to his critics in such a humble way?” In Corinthians, Paul practices what he preaches in Philippians 2:1-5.

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

People long to see our humility as spiritual leaders. That’s not weakness, but Christlikeness, other-centeredness.

Meekness is strength under Christ’s control. Humility is self under Christ’s perspective.

Paul is practicing what he preaches in Romans 12:3. “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Notice that Paul does not say, “Never think of yourself.” He does not say, “Think lowly of yourself.” He’s saying, “Think accurately of yourself by understanding who you are in Christ.”

Paul’s Identity in Christ

For Paul, his identity in Christ trumps what other people think of him and even what he thinks of himself. Notice Paul’s perspective in 1 Corinthians 4:1-5.

“So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”

Paul does not ignore his critics, however, neither does he allow their evaluation to negate Christ’s evaluation of him. When he’s tempted either toward despair by his critics (and thinking too lowly of himself), or toward defensiveness by his critics (and thinking too highly of himself), Paul returns to his identity in Christ. “It is the Lord who judges the motives of my heart.”

Paul also reminds himself whose praise he is living for. “At that time each will receive his praise from God.” Paul lives for an audience of One.

Our Identity in Christ

Think about how this works in our lives when we lead any group of people, and some among them begin to complain about us and our leadership.

• If we’re mature, we meet the initial complaint in a humble, responsive way. We seek to hear others well and respond where we can. Our identity in Christ is our firm foundation.

• The complaints continue to pour in…unrelenting. Perhaps unfair in nature and unloving in motivation.

• If we’re not careful, we now begin to take our eyes off of Christ and put them on people.

• We start feeling beat up and beat down. In the limited power of our flesh, we’re exhausted.

• Now we start being defensive. The shame and blame game begins. We pull rank. We label. We put others in their place. We’ve gone from shepherding the sheep to maiming the sheep. We “do” to them, what they’ve done to us—putting our sheep on the defensive. The shepherd becomes the wolf.

• Then we start being aggressive. We feel so fragile in self that we start building ourselves up. Our mindsets are the opposite of Philippians 2:1-5 and Romans 12:1-3. Our people, instead of seeing the humility of Christ, witness the arrogance and pride of the flesh.

Stop the Merry-Go-Round

We stop this vicious cycle just like Paul did.

• By Seeing Ourselves in Christ: By refusing to judge ourselves by human judgment—ours or others. Our identity is not in self, not in what others think of us, but in what Christ says about us. For hundreds of verses about our identity in and to Christ, read: Who I Am in Christ and Who I am to Christ. 

• By Living for Christ: By living for an audience of One. We don’t live as “people pleasers.” We don’t live as the KJV puts it, “with eye service as men pleasers” (Eph. 6:6). We live for Christ.

• By Living through Christ: By realizing that our standing before Christ is all by grace. Who we are in and to Christ is not by works we could do but by the finished work Christ has already done on our behalf.

Join the Conversation

How could clinging to your identity in Christ revolutionize the way you respond to criticism?

Tangled…Untangled 

Until this weekend, I was likely one of the final few people who had yet to watch Tangled, the Disney movie about Rapunzel. Watching it, I was struck by how it, like so many movies, fables, and fairy tales communicates the message: we are blinded to our real identity.

The Sun Fell from Heaven

Tangle begins with a tiny drop of sun falling from heaven with the power to heal the sick. Change the middle letter of “sun” and we have the Son of God coming down from heaven with the power to heal the sin-sick.

That drop of sun heals the Queen during childbirth. It also endues the newborn child, Rapunzel, with hair that keeps one young forever.

Satan Blinds and Binds

The evil Gothel, the Satan-figure in this story, steals baby Rapunzel at night. For eighteen years she hides Rapunzel deep in the forest in a tower. Gothel continually whispers lies to the child.

“You’re safe with me.” “I love you.” “You are precious to me.” “Only I can protect you.” “The world out there is unsafe.” “I am your mother.” “You belong to me.”

So like the serpent in the garden. Blinding and binding.

Claiming God is a shalt-not God. Claiming God is a hoarder. Claiming God is untrustworthy—that God does not have a good heart.

So like Satan. Blinding us to our true identity as children of the King. Binding us in chains of lies until we no longer remember who we are nor Whose we are.

My Chains Fell Off

But then (like the two greatest words in the English language—“But God”), her chains fell off, her heart was free. Through the unlikely intervention of the scoundrel Flynn Rider, Rapunzel remembers.

Stunned, she remembers her true identity. “I am the lost Princess!” “I am the daughter of the King!”

Remembering, she realizes how she has been used and abused by Gothel. She and Flynn sing words that powerfully portray how foolishly blind we were under Satan. In a song appropriately entitled I See the Light, they sing:

All those days watching in the windows, all those years outside looking in.

All that time never even knowing just how blind I’ve been.

Now I’m here blinking in the starlight; now I’m here suddenly I see.

Standing here it’s all so clear; I’m where I’m meant to be.

And at last I see the light, and it’s like the fog has lifted.

And at last I see the light, and it’s like the sky is new.

And it’s warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted.

All at once everything looks different now that I see you.

Though singing to and about each other, I hear in their song the echoes of truth from eternity past. Truth about Christ and truth about who we are in Christ.

He left His Father’s throne above, so free, so infinite His grace—

Emptied Himself of all but love, and bled for Adam’s helpless race:

’Tis mercy all, immense and free, for O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay, fast bound in sin and nature’s night;

Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

When we at last see the light of the Son of God, we remember. We recall that we are “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that we may declare the praise of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).

We Drink from So Many False Fountains

In our endless attempt to find meaning, to find purpose, to find our true identity; we drink from endless cisterns. Jeremiah calls them “broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13).

Rather than turning to God the Spring of Living Water; we turn to the world, the flesh, and the devil in futile attempts to discover who we are and Whose we are. We’re clueless to just how blind we’ve been. Blinded, we have no idea that the False Lover of our soul doesn’t love us one iota.

Set Free by Love

When we finally refuse to buy the lie, when we’re set free by the light of the Son, everything changes. We no longer live to find out who we are. We now live in light of Whose we are—children of the King.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:15-17).

Rapunzel and Flynn, living new lives aware of their true identity, no longer live for self. Their frantic search for self ended; they now live for each other and for the good of the Kingdom. Each is willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice to save the other.

As a result, the kingdom is restored. Celebration. Grace and wisdom. No more crime.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ (Revelation 21:1-4).

Identity Lost and Found

We can’t go to the world’s Lost and Found Department if we expect to find our identity that comes from another realm. We must go to the Word’s Lost and Found Department to discover and uncover what’s been true all along.

We are given our true identity by grace through faith in Christ. It is the gift of God, not by works, lest anyone should boast.

Nothing the world has to offer—none of the broken cisterns, none of the false lovers of the soul—will ever provide true shalom. Peace that passes understanding comes when the light of the truth shines in our souls and we realize that we are sons and daughters of the God of Peace.

Join the Conversation

Where are you turning to discover who you are and Whose you are?

Back to the Future: At 21 and at 51 

Yesterday in one of my presentations at the Moody Bible Institute Pastors’ Conference, I discussed how I responded to a significant life event when I was 21. That was three decades ago. Yes, I’m 51 now.

So I started thinking, “What advice, counsel, and words of wisdom might I share with myself if I could go ‘back to the future’? What do I know at age 51 about life that I didn’t know at age 21, but wish I had?”

Life Will Be Much Harder Than You Think

This first one may not sound very positive, but it’s true. Jesus said it. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

At 21, I wasn’t entirely naïve, but close. I assumed that if I worked hard, behaved well, and trusted God, that overall good things would flow my way.

Looking back over the past three decades, I would tell my younger self:

“Bob, life will be much harder than you think. It’s important to know that so that you don’t expect ease or everything to go well. Because when those false expectations are dashed, then you could become greatly discouraged. But Bob, remember to take heart—even when things are hard, God is good. Find your peace in Jesus.”

Jesus Will Be Far Gentler Than You Could Ever Imagine

Looking back over three decades, I realize that life is hard but Jesus is gentle. He said so Himself. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

I think at 21 I viewed Jesus somewhat as a hard task-master. I had to live up to His perfect standard to be accepted. Quite the warped view of grace. Quite the self-sufficient, works-oriented view of life.

Travelling back three decades, I would tell my younger self:

“Rest. It’s not about your work, Bob. It’s about the work Jesus has already done on your behalf. He has paid it all. He has reconciled you to the Father. You don’t have to do a thing to be accepted by God—your acceptance is in Christ. Live by grace.”

Defining Yourself by What You Do and How You Feel Will Be More Futile Than You Want to Admit

This third piece of advice goes hand-in-hand with the previous words of wisdom. Far too often I tried to define myself by what I did (my work, my ministry, my parenting, etc.). I defined who I was by what I felt or by what I desired.

Going back to the future, I would share with my younger self:

“Bob, that scaffolding is creaky and crumbling beyond repair. What you think of yourself and what others think of you is really not important. Live by the words Paul lived by. ‘I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me’ (1 Corinthians 4:3-4). Your feelings and your desires are not you. Your identity is in Christ.”

Finding Your Identity in Christ Will Be More Thirst-Quenching Than Any False Cistern

Again, I build upon the previous words of counsel. Instead of building my identity on my feelings or desires, or upon what I think of myself or what others think of me, I could have been building my identity on who I am to Christ and who I am in Christ.

Visiting my younger self I would share:

“Bob, you are not a slave, but a son. Live by the words of Paul. ‘For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory’ (Romans 4:15-17). Building your life, your identity, on anything but Christ is a broken cistern that can hold no water. Instead, build your life, your identity on God the Spring of Living Water and you will never thirst again (Jeremiah 2, John 4).”

You Don’t Have As Much Figured Out As You Think You Do, But That’s Okay, Rest

I’d likely say the same thing in thirty years at age 81 to my 51-year-old self. I don’t have it all figured out now. But at least at 51, I readily admit how little I know. At 21 I thought I had a clue.

I think I’d say to my younger self:

“It’s all right. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just admit it. You have a ton of living and learning to do. Enjoy the ride. Give yourself a break. You’re not perfect. You never will be. Rest in Christ’s perfection. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). Follow His way, pursue His truth, receive His life. Enjoy God. Rest in Christ. Depend upon the Spirit.”

Join the Conversation

What words of counsel would you share with your younger self?

The Forty-Day Journey of Promise

Day Thirty-Eight: Who Are You in Christ?

Note: Welcome to The Journey, our forty-day blog series from MLK Day through the end of Black History Month. We’re learning life lessons from the legacy of African American Christianity. The series is based upon material from my book Beyond the Suffering. To learn more about Beyond the Suffering, including downloading a free chapter, click here.

Calling Out a People

In September 1832, in Boston, Massachusetts, Maria Stewart did something that no American-born woman of any race before her undertook. “She mounted a lecture platform and raised a political argument before a ‘promiscuous’ audience, that is, one composed of both men and women.”

Maria Stewart

According to her personal testimony, she was a woman of profound Christian faith, moved by the Spirit to “willingly sacrifice my life for the cause of God and my brethren.” In the climate of that day, she did indeed take her life in her hands. In her characteristic fiery style, familiar to readers of her articles in The Liberator, she argued against the colonization movement to ship African Americans to West Africa. Using biblical imagery she challenged her racially mixed audience asking, “Why sit ye here and die?”

She called blacks and whites to action, in particular urging black Americans to demand their God-given rights. “Her message was unsparing and controversial, intended as a goad to her people to organize against the tyranny of slavery in the South and to resist and defy the restrictions of bigotry in the North.”

Arousing to Exertion

To fully comprehend Stewart’s staggering accomplishments, we have to backtrack to her less than advantageous upbringing.

“I was born in Hartford, Connecticut, in 1803; was left an orphan at five years of age; was bound out in a clergyman’s family; had the seeds of piety and virtue early sown in my mind, but was deprived of the advantages of education, though my soul thirsted for knowledge. Left them at fifteen years of age; attended Sabbath schools until I was twenty; in 1826 was married to James W. Stewart; was left a widow in 1829; was, as I humbly hope and trust, brought to the knowledge of the truth, as it is in Jesus, in 1830; in 1831 I made a public profession of my faith in Christ.”

Married at 23, widowed at 26, converted at 27; she challenged a nation at 28. In the fall of 1831, she entered the offices of William Lloyd Garrison, the editor of the newly established abolitionist newspaper The Liberator. Stewart handed Garrison the manuscript of her challenge to African Americans to sue for their rights. Relegated to the paper’s “Ladies Department,” both ladies and gentlemen received her confrontation.

Stewart entitled her work Religion and the Pure Principles of Morality: The Sure Foundation on Which We Must Build. She told her readers that she:

“Presented them before you in order to arouse you to exertion, and to enforce upon your minds the great necessity of turning your attention to knowledge and improvement.”

Here we have a young, female, African American widow writing in a white male abolitionist tabloid as a spiritual director to motivate her people to learning and action.

But God!

Stewart adeptly used a bevy of spiritual direction skills to inspire her audience. For example, she avails herself of the guiding competency of scriptural exploration.

“Many think, because your skins are tinged with a sable hue, that you are an inferior race of beings; but God does not consider you as such. He hath formed and fashioned you in his own glorious image, and hath bestowed upon you reason and strong powers of intellect. He hath made you to have dominion over the beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, and the fish of the sea (Genesis 1:26). He hath crowned you with glory and honor; hath made you but a little lower than the angels (Psalms 8:5) . . .”

Using the biblical truth of the imago Dei (image of God), she guides her readers toward the counter-cultural but scriptural truth that, “It is not the color of the skin that makes the man, but it is the principles formed within the soul.”

Join the Conversation (Post a Comment for a Chance to Receive a Copy of Beyond the Suffering)

1. Maria Stewart focused upon who we are in Christ and the imago Dei. What did she stir up in your heart when you read her words of challenge?

2. Who are you in Christ?

The Forty-Day Journey of Promise

Day Seventeen: From Hellcat to Heaven Saint!

Note: Welcome to The Journey, our forty-day blog series from MLK Day through the end of Black History Month. We’re learning life lessons from the legacy of African American Christianity. The series is based upon material from my book Beyond the Suffering. To learn more about Beyond the Suffering, including downloading a free chapter, click here.

“How Can You Forgive Me, Charlie?”

African American believers clung to their identity in Christ. They understood that who they were in Christ redefined how they related to those who had sinned against them.

Charlie provides a remarkable example. He had been enslaved by “Mars’ Bill” who kept his back constantly sore from whippings. Charlie then escaped, joined the “Yanks,” and became a Christian. As a freeman, he met Mar’s Bill again thirty years later.

Recognizing each other across a crowded street, Bill hollers to Charlie, “Charlie, do you remember me lacerating your back?”

Charlie replies, “Yes, Mars.”

Bill then asks, “Have you forgiven me?”

By now, a large crowd has gathered, for Charlie and Bill are some distance apart and talking loud. After Charlie shouts that he has indeed forgiven his old, cruel master, Bill is shocked.

“How can you forgive me, Charlie?”

I Serve a God of Love

Charlie’s answer is amazing.

“What is in me, though, is not in you. I used to drive you to church and peep through the door to see you all worship, but you ain’t right yet, Marster. I love you as though you never hit me a lick, for the God I serve is a God of love . . .”

Old Mars’ Bill then moves toward Charlie, hand held out, tears streaming down his face.

“I am sorry for what I did.”

Charlie grants forgiveness.

“That’s all right, Marster. I done left the past behind me.”

The Power of Redeeming Love

Charlie then testifies to Christ’s redemptive power.

“I had felt the power of God and tasted his love, and this had killed all the spirit of hate in my heart years before this happened. Whenever a man has been killed dead and made alive in Christ Jesus, he no longer feels like he did when he was a servant of the devil. Sin kills dead, but the spirit of God makes alive. I didn’t know that such a change could be made, for in my younger days I used to be a hellcat.”

From hellcat to heaven saint. From a hateful spirit to Christlike love. That’s the power of our new identity in Christ.

Join the Conversation (Post a Comment for a Chance to Receive a Copy of Beyond the Suffering)

1. African American converts celebrated their new identity in Christ. How aware are you of your new position in Christ as a saint and your new relationship to Christ as a child of the King? How do you apply your new identity in Christ to your personal life and relationships?

2. If Charlie could forgive his former master for such unspeakable cruelty, what does this say to us today about forgiveness and reconciliation in our lives and relationships?

3. Charlie teaches us that racial reconciliation begins with our reconciliation in Christ. How could this principle impact current attempts at racial reconciliation in our nation?