Responding Wisely to Conflict in Ministry

Nehemiah was doing God’s work, yet many people still resisted his ministry. Like him, when we seek to build up God’s people, we may expect pockets of envy, dishonesty, apathy, fury, mockery, and hostility.

Prayerfully, you will face few or none of these. Picture the following as the worst case scenario, the perfect storm. Nehemiah models how to weather the worst ministry storm imaginable.

Anticipate Pockets of Envy: Respond with Unity

When Sanballat and Tobiah heard that the King approved Nehemiah’s plan, “they were very much disturbed that someone had come to promote the welfare of the Israelites” (Neh. 2:10b). They questioned Nehemiah’s character not because they were concerned, but because they were afraid and envious. The intrusion of this outsider would strip away their power base and influence.

Rather than going toe-to-toe with these men, Nehemiah encouraged God’s people to minister shoulder-to-shoulder (Neh. 2:11-20). He invited a trusted circle of colleagues to assess the need, and then he called people to unite to conquer the problem. It wasn’t avoidance of the enemy, but rather a purposeful focus on God’s family.

Anticipate Pockets of Dishonesty: Respond with Humility and Integrity

When Geshem joined Sanballat and Tobiah, between the three of them their nations nearly surrounded Jerusalem. When they saw God’s people united in service, they falsely accused them. “Are you rebelling against the king?” (Neh. 2:19) They painted Nehemiah’s good as if it were evil because Satan curses whom God blesses.

In response to their dishonesty, Nehemiah spoke the truth in love with humility and integrity. Instead of standing up for himself, he exalted God. “The God of heaven will give us success” (Neh. 2:20). Rather than exalting himself, he saw himself through God’s eyes. “We his servants will start rebuilding” (Neh. 2:20).

It is not that Nehemiah stubbornly refused to search his heart. Rather, he had already been doing that. “I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father’s house, have committed against you” (Neh. 1:6). Biblical self-awareness and spiritual confession are God’s antidote for false accusation.

Anticipate Pockets of Apathy: Respond with Tenacity

Problems from without are hard enough, but problems from within are even more difficult to endure. Nehemiah launched the work with great enthusiasm only to face a potential interruption. “But their nobles would not put their shoulders to the work under their supervision” (Neh. 3:5).

Interestingly, the text offers not a single word in response. The work continues unabated. While welcoming the support of all who offered it, Nehemiah had sufficient inner resources to stand alone if need be. In the tenacious discharge of his responsibilities, he was prepared to have no one but God. His energy was not dictated by other’s apathy.

Anticipate Pockets of Fury: Respond with Vulnerability

In Nehemiah 3, thirty-eight diverse work crews labor harmoniously to advance God’s kingdom. Then we read, “When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed” (Neh. 4:3).

When someone pushes us, our inclination is to push back. When someone gets in our face, we’re tempted to get in their face. Nehemiah chose to get face-to-face with God. Vulnerably he prays, “Hear us, O our God, for we are despised” (Neh. 4:4). “Despised” means to view someone as insignificant, useless, worthless. In the Old Testament, this frequently results in discouragement. Think of that word: dis-courage, to have your courage melt away as you curl up in a fetal position feeling overwhelmed and undermanned. Rather than give in to that, Nehemiah gave up to God.

Anticipate Pockets of Mockery: Respond with God-Reality

Critics generally run in packs. Sanballat and Tobiah did. In the presence of their associates, Sanballat ridiculed the Jews. “What are these feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day?” (Neh. 4:2). Tobiah, who was at his side, said, “What they are building—if even a fox climbed up on it, he would break down their wall of stones!” (Neh. 4:3). They pile one on top of another cruel character assaults, relentless mocking, and malicious slicing and dicing.

Drop after drop, drip after drip, it takes its toll. Verse ten records what the people felt. Commentators believe it was actually sung as a funeral dirge. We might translate it as:

The strength of our burden bearing is drooping.

The rubbish heap so vast.

And we ourselves are stooping.

Unable to fulfill this impossible task.

If ever a people needed perspective—God-reality—it was them and it was now. Nehemiah looks things over, gathers his people, and says, “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome” (Neh. 4:14). When life stinks, our perspective shrinks. When our perspective shrinks, we need a full dose of eternal perspective, of God perspective. We need to remember Who God is, who we are in Christ, Who it is that is calling us, and what He is calling us to do.

Anticipate Pockets of Hostility: Respond with Creativity

When they reached the half-way point, opposition went from bad to worse. “So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart” (Neh. 4:6). When Sanballat and his crew heard about their progress, “they were very angry. They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it” (Neh. 4:7b-8). To make matters worse, their own people told them “ten times over, ‘Wherever you turn, they will attack us’” (Neh. 4:12).

The half-way point is often the point of greatest opposition and greatest temptation to abandon our post. It’s the point at which others begin to take notice of our progress, but when we begin to focus on the huge task still ahead. Great leaders respond to the potential death and destruction of a dream with life and creativity. You can define the greatness of leaders by what it takes to discourage them and by how they encourage everyone around them.

Creative thinking in a crisis often requires both/and thinking, such as prayer and practicality. “But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this need” (Neh. 4:9). Nehemiah creatively suggests both working and protecting: “From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor” (Neh. 4:16). He creatively emphasizes both individuality and community: “Fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes…. We all returned to the wall, each to his own work…. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there….” (Neh. 4:14, 15, 20).

Join the Conversation

Of the six areas of conflict, which have you faced in ministry? Of the six biblical responses, which would you like to add to your ministry?

Note: The preceding material is summarized from Chapter Five of Equipping Counselors for Your Church. 

What Causes Our Fights and Quarrels?

It’s so easy to think of how big or small my slice of the pie is compared to the next person. Sadly, we bring that same competitive, hoarding spirit into the work of the Spirit. That’s true regarding the Spirit’s work in our marriages and it’s true regarding the Spirit’s work in our ministries.

An Inspired Question

James said it well (actually, he said it perfectly well since he said it under the Spirit’s inspiration) in James 4:1-4. James asks the age-old question:

“What causes the fights and quarrels among you?”

What causes the fights and quarrels among husbands and wives? What causes the fights and quarrels among church members? What causes the fights and quarrels between various counseling “groups”?

James offers God’s answer to any with ears to hear; to any with the wisdom and humility to listen.

“Don’t they come out from the desires that battle (soldier) within you? You desire but you have not. When you don’t get what you want, you kill and covet—you retaliate and manipulate, and yet that still doesn’t get you what you want. So you quarrel and you fight some more—the vicious spiral spirals ever deeper.”

When we imagine life as a competition, then everyone else is, of course, our competitor. When our image of life is a war, then everyone else is, of course, our enemy. When we see life as a finite pie, then everyone else is racing against us for their slice of our pie.

A Supposedly Inspiring Answer

The world has a solution—compete smarter, fight better, race faster. To the victor goes the spoils. To the winner goes the crown.

Of course, the world’s solution is based upon the world’s angle. From the small angle of small minds looking at what seems to be a finite, small world, there’s only so much “stuff” out there. I have to demand my share of the finite stuff. The one with the most toys wins.

Some how this line of “reasoning” is supposed to inspire us. And inspire it does—it inspires a me-against-you, an us-against-them mentality. If the “victor” gets the “spoils” in a marriage, then what does the “loser” get? If my “side” of the church squabble “wins,” then what does the “losing side” end up with? If my “camp” in the seemingly never-ending “counseling wars” “wins,” then what does that leave the other “camps” with?

I’m sorry, but even as fleshly as I can be, I am decreasingly inspired by this “hoard the wealth” mindset.

An Eternally and Daily Inspiring Answer

Forget the world’s answer to a worldly problem. Consider God’s answer.

“You have not, because you do not humbly ask God. You have not, because even when you do ask, you ask with selfish motives—in order that in the pleasures of YOU, you may squander.”

When we assume that God is a Hoarder and that His universe has a finite supply of “stuff,” then even when we think to ask God for “stuff,” even “ministry stuff” (like a “better marriage,” a “bigger church,” a “ministry with larger impact”), then in God’s eyes (and His eyes are the only ones that matter), our motives are selfish.

God does not care about our agendas. God cares about our getting on board with His agenda. God does not focus on our kingdom building. God focuses on our building His Kingdom.

If I think that God is a Hoarder and His universe has a finite supply of the stuff I think I need, then I demand my share (more than your share!) of His limited stuff.

In marriage, I demand my share of being “right,” my share of my “needs being met,” my share of “satisfaction.” In church conflict, I demand my share of putting you “in your place,” my share of the “congregation’s trust.” In counseling wars, I demand my “market share” of “followers,” I demand my slice of the people-pie saying, “I am of your group!”

How immature. How childish. How sinful. How worldly. How adulterous!

“Adulteresses!” James labels us.

“Don’t you know that loving the world’s way means hating God and God’s way? Anyone who chooses to befriend the mindset of the cosmos, chooses to be God’s enemy! Repent! Draw near to God! He gives ever more grace!”

God Is a Grace Rewarder, Not a Hoarder

God’s supply is never exhausted. His supply of grace is infinite. God is a grace Rewarder. Those who come to Him, the author of Hebrews reminds us, must believe that He exists, and that he generously, graciously rewards those who diligently, humbly seek Him.

In the beginning of our fallen cosmos, Satan schemed to deceive our spiritual parents into believing the unspiritual lie that God was a “Shalt-Not-God.” “God,” Satan whispers then and now, “is a Hoarder and His supply is limited. Grab the fruit of the tree now before someone else exhausts His limited supply.”

“God,” the Spirit whispers in His still, small voice then and now, “so loves the world that He gave infinitely—He gave His only begotten Son that whosever believes shall not perish but shall have everlasting life.”

“God,” the Son whispers in His authoritative, loving voice then and now, “so loves the world that He gives infinitely. That’s why I came—to give you everlasting life and ever-expanding life—abundant life. Spoiling and spilling over life—not so you could consume it on your own lust, but so you could share it out of the overflow of my Father’s infinite supply!”

So What? What’s It About?

Since God is a generous grace Rewarder who showers us with everlasting life and ever-expanding life (eternal life and abundant life) . . . so . . . we give. So . . . we mimic His giving, His sharing.

So, in our marriages, we are not competing for a limited supply of who is right or who is satisfied or whose needs are met. We are working together to advance God’s Kingdom of giving to others out of the overflow of God’s infinite love working in and through us.

So, in our churches, we are not competing with the other “faction” for a finite supply of whose style of music or style of preaching or style of leadership or style of youth ministry or style of carpet wins the day. We are working together to win the lost and equip the found so that God’s eternal, expanding is advanced in and through us.

So, in our “counseling wars,” we are not contending against rivals to see who will shout, “I am of Paul, I am of Apollos, I am of Cephas!” We are building bridges and working together to say, “We are of Christ—the infinite God who has generously graced us with forgiveness and with resources that are everlasting and ever-expanding so we minister in humble harmony learning from each other, empowering each other, respecting each other—so that the Body of Christ dances to the eternal song of the Trinity.”

It’s not about market share. It’s about sharing the mark of the Trinity—the eternal Community of mutual admiration and adoration. The everlasting Community of overflowing goodness and oneness. The infinite Community of equality and mutuality.

Join the Conversation

Where does the Christian community need to quit competing and start serving?

To Glorify God and to Comfort the Saints

*A review of Anthony J. Carter, “On Being Black and Reformed: A New Perspective on the African American Christian Experience”

With one succinct sentence, Anthony Carter integrates historical Reformation theology and historical African American experience. “Our primary goal as theologians is to glorify God and to comfort the saints.”

Some may wonder what’s so novel about that declaration. A careful reading of most modern presentations of Reformed theology exposes the truth that God’s glory is always emphasized (rightly so), while the saints’ comfort is often minimized (sadly so).

Reformation theology has historically offered great treatises on anthropology (human creation and God’s design), hamartiology (human sin and depravity), and on soteriology (Christ’s salvation and human deliverance). Historically, what has been lacking is a biblical sufferology—a theology of suffering that brings comfort to human misery, that brings hope to the hurting.

Throughout “On Being Black and Reformed” Carter’s subtext reverberates. Reformed theology has much to offer African American Christians. And, African American Christians have much to offer Reformed theology. When separated from Reformed theology, African American Christians, according to Carter, are tempted toward a lower view of God, truth, and theology. When separated from African American Christianity, Reformed theology, according to Carter, is tempted toward a lower view of comfort, love, and contextual experience. Reformed theology and African American Christianity need each other equally.

Nowhere is this juxtaposition more clearly revealed than in the Reformed African American theological interpretation of American enslavement. How could a good and sovereign God allow an entire people group to be enslaved for centuries? African American pastors like Lemuel Haynes, Richard Allen, and Absalom Jones, and writers like Phillis Wheatley, Olaudah Equiano, and Quobna Cugoano all offer the “Joseph Answer.” “You meant evil against me, but God intended it for good.” In God’s affectionate sovereignty, He shepherds good from evil, He creates beauty from ashes.

Anthony Carter’s retelling of this historical merging of African American Christian experience and Reformed theology is a gift to all people of all races.

Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of “Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction,” “Soul Physicians,” and “Spiritual Friends.”

Nominated for eight academy awards, “There Will Be Blood” plays like a modern-day version of Genesis 4. Though many Christians may resist seeing it, and many who do may wish they hadn’t, “Blood” is replete with themes of biblical proportions. It is certainly not a “Christian movie,” but Christianity thoroughly addresses the issues it raises: greed, envy, hypocrisy, rage, lying, manipulation, selfishness, self-sufficiency, and a plethora of other sins of the flesh and idols of the heart.

The movie stars Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview whose sin is in plain view for all to see, despise, and be haunted by. Not a single word is spoken in the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Yet the scene speaks volumes. Daniel falls down a mind shaft severely hurting his leg. Rather than crying out to God or to anyone else for help, Daniel wordlessly and arrogantly works his way out of the pit rug by rug, dragging his lifeless limb behind him. The metaphor has been written: “I am my own Savior.” Daniel in the lion’s den refuses to pray to the Lion of the Tribe of Judah.

In the next scene, this sinner who thinks he can save himself learns from a mysterious stranger that there’s oil in those hills of New Boston. Traveling to the California oil fields at the turn of the 20th Century, Plainview brings his young son, H. W. (played by Dillon Freasier), who serves as a prop to provide the image of a congenial family man. Upon arrival in New Boston, CA, Daniel meets the Sunday family, headed by patriarch Abel (remember Genesis 4). Abel’s son Eli (played by Paul Dano) is a young faith-healing evangelist-pastor who turns out to be as consummately evil as Plainview, and a tad bit slimier.

Neither man displays a single redeeming quality. Both men play games with the Redeemer. Eli uses God to amass a following. Daniel uses God to manipulate God’s followers into signing land over to him, even to the point of feigning acceptance of Christ. In “There Will Be Blood,” blood is shed, but the shed blood of Christ is never received with a sincere heart.

The darkness of Daniel’s life is suffocating. As he ages (the movie spans nearly forty years in its nearly three-hour run), Daniel’s evil ripens. Where he once at least feigned love for H. W., by the end of the movie Daniel disowns him. In perhaps the only sign of grace in the entire movie, H. W., mute due to an earlier drilling accident, signs to his father “I love you” right after his prodigal father disowns him. Off H. W. goes with his wife Mary (yet another biblical allusion) to make a different life for himself in Mexico.

Christian theology sees life as a three-act play of creation, fall, and redemption. God designs humanity with dignity (creation), sin mars humanity with depravity (fall), and Christ restores and rescues humanity with salvation (redemption). There will be blood is an accurate portrayal of what our world would be like if there were no creation and no redemption–only fall. There is nothing redeemable in humanity because there is nothing human to redeem. We are, in the eyes of “Blood,” devolved animals seeking to devour one another.

You leave “Blood” feeling bloody, dirty, filthy. But “Blood” doesn’t leave you. It preoccupies your mind, disturbs your soul, and troubles your spirit. You ask yourself, “Is that all there is?”

And the answer is, “Without Christ, that is indeed all that there is.” Self. Self-sufficiency. Evil. Hatred. Rage. Hopelessness. Helplessness.

This decidedly un-Christian movie about the first decades of the 20th century has perhaps the strongest evangelistic message of any film of the first decade of the 21st century. Certainly unintended, “Blood” depicts exactly why every human being needs the blood of Christ. It is an amazing picture of the amazing sin that requires amazing grace.

Our worst sin is not our greed, evil, rage, hatred, drinking, womanizing, etc. Our worst sin, and the only unforgivable sin, is our refusal to acknowledge our sinfulness, the refusal to ask for forgiveness. We are sick undo death and in denial about our deadness, thinking that we can raise ourselves.

What can wash away our sin of self-sufficiency? Nothing but the blood.

“I . . . acknowledge the mercies of Providence in every occurrence of my life.”[i] These words from the pen of the Christian Olaudah Equiano might seem trite until we realize that they introduce the narrative of his harrowing kidnapping and enslavement.

Equiano was born free in 1745 in the kingdom of Benin on the coast of Africa, then known as Guinea. The youngest of seven children, his loving parents gave him the name Olaudah, signifying favored one. Indeed, he lived a favored life in his idyllic upbringing in a simple and quiet village where his father served as the “chief man” who decided disputes and punished crimes, and where his mother adored him dearly.

Bathed in Tears: Weeping with Those Who Weep

At age ten, it all came crashing down. “One day, when all our people were gone out to their works as usual, and only I and my dear sister were left to mind the house, two men and a woman got over our walls, and in a moment seized us both; and, without giving us time to cry out, or make resistance, they stopped our mouths, tied our hands, and ran off with us into the nearest wood: and continued to carry us as far as they could, till night came on, when we reached a small house, where the robbers halted for refreshment, and spent the night.”[ii]

His kidnappers then unbound Equiano and his sister. Overpowered by fatigue and grief, they had just one source of relief. “The only comfort we had was in being in one another’s arms all that night, and bathing each other with our tears.”[iii]

Equiano and his sister model a foundational principle of sustaining empathy: weeping with those who weep. Far too often we rush in with words, and far too often those words are words of rescue. Our hurting friends need our silence, not our speeches. The shed tear and the silent voice provide great enrichment for our spiritual friends.

[i] Equiano, The Interesting Narrative, p. 4.
[ii] Ibid., p. 24.
[iii] Ibid., p. 25.

Tom Brady.

If you know anything about sports, then the name Tom Brady jumps out at you.

NFL MVP.

Starting quarterback for New England Patriots.

A 60 million dollar contract.

Dating whatever super model he wants to date.

Well, watch this interview and seem Tom Brady struggle with life’s core question: “Is this all there is?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHSfiKAtPzk&NR=1

Use the video to reach others who long to know if there’s more than fame and fortune.