How People Change

How would you answer the following questions?

• How do we grow in grace?

• How do we become more like Christ?

• How do we overcome sin?

• How do we deal with suffering?

• How do people change?

These are each vital questions about Christian living. To answer these questions biblically, we must understand the relationship between our complete salvation and our ongoing sanctification.

Many writers today describe this relationship as Gospel indicatives and Gospel imperatives. Gospel indicatives relate to who we are in and to Christ through our salvation. Gospel imperatives relate to how we live out our newness in Christ.

Both/And

Few Christian writers who think seriously about Christian living make this issue an either/or debate. Those who focus on Gospel indicatives rarely say, “Christian living is only about understanding the depths of our salvation in Christ. It does not include obeying the Gospel imperatives.” Few, if any, are saying, “It’s all about trust, not about trust and obey.”

Those who focus on Gospel imperatives rarely say, “Christian living is only about obeying the commands and living out the principles in the Bible. It does not include believing the good news of justification, regeneration, reconciliation, and redemption.” Few, if any, are saying, ‘It’s all about obey, not about trust and obey.”

Most people writing on this issue are simply emphasizing either Gospel indicatives (faith in our complete salvation) or Gospel imperatives (living out our complete salvation). For most, it is a both/and discussion.

The Question

If it’s not either/or, but both/and, then what’s the issue? Here’s the practical question:

“What is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (the Gospel indicative) and our sanctification in Christ (the Gospel imperative)?”

In this blog “mini-series” on How People Change, I’ll attempt to address that question in several practical ways. Today I explore it as it relates to marriage.

Marriage in Ephesians

If your own marriage were struggling and you opened your Bible to Ephesians, to what passage would you likely turn? If you were helping someone with a struggling marriage and you opened your Bible to Ephesians, to what passage would you likely turn? Yep: Ephesians 5:21-33.

I suggest that Ephesians 5:21-33 should not be the first part of Ephesians that we turn to for marriage counsel. I suggest that Ephesians 5:21-33 should not be the only part of Ephesians that we turn to. Paul certainly did not start there or stop there.

Instead, Paul grounded, founded, and surrounded his thinking about Christian living in the home on Gospel indicatives. Consider:

1. Glorifying God: Ephesians 1:1-23

2. Guilty Before God: Ephesians 2:1-3

3. Grace from God: Ephesians 2:4-5:17

4. Growth through God’s Spirit: Ephesians 5:18-6:20

Glorifying God: Ephesians 1:1-23

Paul starts with a three-stanza hymn of praise to the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—and their Triune role in our salvation. Paul the marital counselor would not have ignored Gospel imperatives and principles of husband/wife roles and relationships. However, he wouldn’t have started there. He didn’t start there.

Before we work on our marriage relationships, we must focus on our relationship with God in Christ. Problems in our homes are always ultimately due to problems in our hearts (see James 4:1-4).

Additionally, when we are working on our marriages, our ultimate goal must not simply be a “better” marriage. Rather our ultimate goal must be a marriage that better glorifies Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Paul shifts us from a self-centered marital goal: “Marriage is about meeting my needs!” He shifts us to the God-centered marital goal: “The purpose of our marriage is to reveal God’s glory as we represent the Trinity, reflect Christ and the Church, and encourage the maturity of our spouse.”

Guilty Before God: Ephesians 2:1-3

Paul next takes us to our guilt before God. He moves us to our sinfulness, our helplessness, and our absolute need for Christ.

We might think, “Paul is one strange marriage counselor!” We would be wrong.

Without the foundation of our guilt before God and our need for desperate dependence upon Christ, we would build our marriages on self-sufficient means: “Working on my marriage is a self-improvement project.” Instead, we must build our marriages on Christ-centered, Gospel-centered understandings: “Growing in my marriage is a Christ-dependent process.”

We have mis-defined the problem with our marriages, and, therefore, we have mis-defined the “solution” to our marriage problem. James asks, “Why do we fight and quarrel?” His answer: because of spiritual adultery (James 4:4). When we understand that problems in our homes begin with problems in our hearts, then we realize that problems in our hearts require Spirit-dependence, not self-dependence.

Paul the marriage counselor helps us to understand our guilt before God. He helps us to see the fork in the road. We either journey down the route of resting in God’s provision and presence, or we travel down the route of taking life into our own hands and relying on our own power and wisdom.

Grace from God: Ephesians 2:4-5:17

Paul now takes us to the two greatest words in the English language: “But God.” The “SOUL-u-tion” for our marriages is grace from God in Christ.

Note that I take this section of Ephesians from 2:4 through 5:17. Grace cuts across the “Gospel indicative” section of Ephesians and through the “Gospel imperative” section of Ephesians (actually, we find indicatives and imperatives in all six chapters of Ephesians). Grace-dependent/faith-dependent living is essential for our salvation and our sanctification, as Paul reminded the Galatians. “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” (Galatians 3:3).

For example, when Paul talks about “communication and relationship principles” in Ephesians 4:25-32, he does so in the context of Ephesians 3:15-21 and grasping the love of God. He does so in the context of Ephesians 4:1-16 and growing together in the Body of Christ. He does so in the context Ephesians 4:17-24 and our new creation in Christ.

Paul is a wise marriage counselor. He understands what happens if we offer “communication principles” without the foundation of glorifying God, guilt before God, and grace from God. We create a more effective, self-sufficient, manipulative spouse!

Growth through God’s Spirit: Ephesians 5:18-6:20

Even Paul’s “section” on “roles and relationships” in marriage is surrounded or “sandwiched” by the theme of growth through God’s Spirit. Just before Paul talks about our marriage relationships, he highlights our dependent relationship with God’s Spirit. “Be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18b). Just after Paul concludes his teaching on Christian living in the home (Ephesians 5:21-6:9), he emphasizes Spirit-dependence. “Be strong in the Lord and in His might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” (Ephesians 6:10-11).

Paul the marriage and family counselor sandwiches his marriage and parenting principles between being filled with the Spirit and being strong in the Lord. Applying biblical principles of Christian living is not about “trying harder” or more self-effort. We apply our new life in Christ by grace through faith.

Both/And Once Again

But notice something vital. Paul does talk about principles of Christian living. He does provide communication and relationship principles. He does teach about husband/wife roles and relationships. He does not ignore Gospel imperatives.

Most of this blog post has focused on the Gospel indicatives because we must ground, found, and surround Gospel imperatives in Gospel indicatives. I am 100% committed to this biblical way of thinking, living, and counseling.

However, I do have a concern with any teaching that might seem to imply that we stop with the Gospel indicatives. Paul does not. Any truly Christian thinking and counseling about marriage must include, as Paul does, biblical principles—Gospel imperatives. Any truly Christian thinking and counseling about Christian living must include, as Paul does, biblical principles—Gospel imperatives.

Christian living in marriage, as with all Christian relationships, is both/and. Biblical marriage counseling, as with all biblical counseling, is both/and. We explore with people what it means to apply God’s Word to our relationships in the context of Gospel indicatives and Gospel imperatives.

Join the Conversation

How do you answer the question: “What is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (Gospel indicatives) and our sanctification in Christ (Gospel imperatives)?”

How to Disagree in an Agreeable Way 

Pastors Tullian Tchividjian and Kevin DeYoung have been engaged in a passionate and gracious series of blog posts about the vital issue of growth in grace. For example, here’s Kevin’s latest post: Holiness Is Indicative and Imperative. And here’s Tullian’s latest post on this issue: An Open Letter to Mr. Grace-Loving Antinomian.

In the coming days, I plan to post my thoughts on growth in grace. However, today I want to focus on how Kevin and Tullian have related to one another…and contrast that with how some people, Christian bloggers in particular, at times relate to other bloggers.

See and Say the Strengths in Others

I read some blog posts, by Christians no less, where the blogger slices and dices another blogger mercilessly. They fail to indicate any strengths in the blogger they are criticizing. They act as if they are 100% right and the other blogger is 100% wrong. And they do it all in the supposed name of “speaking the truth in love.”

On the other hand, Tullian and Kevin showed great respect for one another. They saw and stated numerous places where they strengths in each other’s arguments. In doing so, they remind me of my friend David Powlison. In the book Psychology and Christianity: Five Views, I marvel at how David always starts with affirmation. He hunts to find and focus on areas of strengths even in views that overall he may disagree with.

Express Disagreement Respectfully and Fairly

You never heard Tullian or Kevin speak of the other person as “my distractor.” They never conveyed the arrogant, one-sided attitude that, “I’m speaking the truth in love, but the other person is simply being critical.”

No, the “us against them” mentality was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the whole “againstness” perspective was non-existent. Now, they are both passionate about the issue of the Gospel and sanctification. And, while there is much they agree upon, they have some significant differences in their emphasis. Still, they never used any pejoratives. They do not see the “other” as the “enemy.”

Learn from One Another

It was also clear that Tullian and Kevin were stretching each other, learning from one another. They were and are experiencing the iron-sharpens-iron process. They are better pastors and counselors and people because of their interactions.

Some Christian bloggers are like, “Go ahead and disagree, and I’ll show you where you are wrong!” That attitude is difficult to fathom. We all have so much to learn from others—even from those we disagree with.

Represent One Another Accurately

Again, Kevin, Tullian, and David (Powlison) are prime examples of accurately representing others. David, in the Five Views book, refuses to quote people out of context. He always allows others to use their definition of terms rather than defining their terms for them.

Part of this accurate representation, especially in a blog post, includes realizing that…it’s just a blog post! By that, I’m not demeaning blogging. Nor am I saying that just because it’s a blog you can be sub-standard in your writing.

Rather, I’m saying, “It’s not a book!” It’s 500 words or 1,000 words. That’s about two or three pages in a chapter, not a 252 page book. When someone writes a blog post, they are not trying to say everything they could possibly say about a topic. They are trying to provide a snippet of their views. It’s more like a newspaper article than an encyclopedia. It is only fair to take into consideration other posts they have written, other resources they make available, rather than railing on someone for not providing every possible scriptural quote and every possible biblical defense in one 500-word post.

Join the Conversation

What other biblical principles would you add related to blogging and disagreeing in an agreeable way?

How Do We Grow in Grace? 

In Soul Physicians, I allot a good deal of space (8 chapters) to sanctification—how do we grow in grace. I address the relationship between our complete salvation (justification, reconciliation, regeneration, and redemption) and our ongoing sanctification.

Many writers today are describing this connection as Gospel indicatives (who we are in Christ through our salvation) and Gospel imperatives (how we live out our newness in Christ). Two pastors who I have great respect for have been blogging about this topic this week: Kevin DeYoung and Tullian Tchividjian. Their conversations and interactions are the proverbial “can’t miss.”

Make Every Effort

Read Kevin’s initial post Make Every Effort. Here’s how Kevin summarizes this first blog post:

“Justification is wholly dependent on faith apart from works of the law. But sanctification–born of faith, dependent on faith, powered by faith–requires moral exertion. ‘Mortify and vivify’ is how the theologians used to put it. When it comes to growth in godliness, trusting does not put an end to trying.”

Work Hard! But in Which Direction?

The next day, Pastor Tullian responded with some gracious push-back. Read his thoughts in Work Hard! But in Which Direction? The following sentence captures the essence of Tullian’s blog post.

“Remembering, revisiting, and rediscovering the reality of our justification every day is the hard work we’re called to do if we’re going to grow.”

Gospel-Driven Effort

Yesterday, Pastor Kevin responded to Pastor Tullian’s response. Read his gracious push-back to the push-back in Gospel-Driven Effort. Kevin summarizes his thinking as follows:

“I agree sanctification requires the fight of faith to believe this scandalous good news of the gospel of justification. I disagree that this is the only kind of effort required in sanctification.

Growing in godliness is a fight of faith—a fight to believe the truth about our justification, our adoption, a fight to believe all that God says about us by virtue of our union with Christ. But growing in godliness is more than trusting; it is also trusting enough to obey. The New Testament gives us commands, and these commands involve more than remembering, revisiting, and rediscovering the reality of our justification. We must also put on, put off, put to death, strive, and make every effort.”

The Rest of the Story

By the time you read this post, there will likely be more posts to follow—not only on Kevin and Tullian’s blogs, but elsewhere in the Christian blogosphere. This is a huge issue for everyone committed to Gospel-Centered ministry: what is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (the Gospel indicative) and our sanctification in Christ (the Gospel imperative)?

Join the Conversation

How do you answer the question: “What is the relationship between our salvation in Christ (the Gospel indicative) and our sanctification in Christ (the Gospel imperative)?

     God Knows What He’s About

        When God wants to drill a man

And thrill a man

And skill a man,

When God wants to mold a man

To play the noblest part;

When He yearns with all His heart

To create so great and bold a man

That all the world shall be amazed,

Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects

Whom He royally elects!

How he hammers him and hurts him,

And with mighty blows converts him

Into trial shapes of clay which

Only God understands;

While his tortured heart is crying

And he lifts beseeching hands!

How He bends but never breaks

When his good He undertakes;

How He uses whom He chooses

And with every purpose fuses him;

By every act induces him

To try His splendour out—

God knows what He’s about!

Wanted

Note: You can find the following spiritual parable, which is reproduced here with permission, in Soul Physicians.

Enjoying Who I Am, Becoming Who I Am

The Christian life is the process of enjoying who I am to Christ and becoming who I am in Christ. Sanctification involves living out my Sonship and my Sainthood.

The key to our victory is faith in our new identity. I’m convinced that everything in the Christian life revolves around how we answer the questions: “Who am I to Christ?” “Who am I in Christ?”

In today’s parable, we’re focusing on the first question: Who am I to Christ? What is God’s heart toward me? What does he think of me? Does he love me? Like me? Want me? Enjoy me? Do I fit in? Have I made the grade, the cut? How can I enjoy who I am to Christ? How can I exalt God for his gracious love?

Perhaps you’re not moved by this left-brain, analytical defense of our new nurture. Perhaps some right-brain, imaginative descriptions might help.

Misfit Island

Once upon a time, a gaggle of toys banded together to form a home they called “Misfit Island.” As their choice of a homeland name suggests, they felt unwanted.

There was the doll with the crinkled, matted, dirty blonde hair. “Ragamuffin” she named herself. Just a waif. Orphan Annie. Abandoned urchin. Homeless child.

And the plastic soldier with a missing arm missing his weapon. “Legion,” he called himself. Leprous, he saw himself. A pariah, he felt. Untouchable.

Then there was the stuffed doggie, the one with the scraggily hair and missing stuffings. “Stray,” was her chosen name. Foundling. Not even wanted by Cruella DeVille.

Their reluctant leader? A silly reindeer with a grotesque shining nose. “Dropout” the name he owned. Outcast he was from others. Castaway he lived. He came late to their island and seemingly by accident.

They all felt about as valuable as bumbling Gilligan. As desired as Dennis the Menace. As snotty-nosed as the Little Rascals. So they lived together as loners. In exile. Gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Hobos and derelicts. Vagabonds.

Then one day, and what a surprising day it was, they were visited. Visited by Man of Sorrows. Acquainted with their grief, he had no beauty or majesty to attract them. Nothing in his appearance that they should desire him. He, too, was despised and rejected. Like one from whom people hide their faces. Despised and esteemed not.

It was Dropout, the shining-nosed reindeer who first noticed. Perhaps his bulbous snoot enlightened him to see what others missed. He saw Man of Sorrows’ wounds. He was pierced. Like a lamb led to the slaughter, and as a sheep before his shearers.

Man of Sorrows had their undivided attention. “Toy Maker sent me.”

They gasped. Few even remembered Toy Maker. Those who did were sure that he had forgotten them. Worse yet, abandoned them. Disliked them.

“I am stricken by Toy Maker. Smitten by him. Afflicted. For you.”

“What!” they responded incredulously. “How is this possible? For us? Who does anything for us?”

“The One who is for you,” answered Man of Sorrows. He crushed me for your iniquities. The punishment that brought you peace—shalom—he placed upon me.”

“Peace? Shalom?” They wondered. “Shalom—acceptance, access, approach to Toy Maker, clear conscience, wantability, desirability—these belong not to us.”

“Silence!”

For the first time Man of Sorrows showed his teeth. “Would you denigrate so great salvation? Depreciate the price I paid? By my wounds you are healed. I was cut off that you might be grafted in. Castaway that you might be rescued. Made in the fashion of misfits that I might reconcile misfits to Toy Maker.”

“Sing!” he urged them. Burst into song, shout for joy! Do not hold back. Do not be afraid. You will never suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated. For your Maker is your Husband. The Lord Almighty is his name. The Holy One is your Redeemer. For a brief moment you were abandoned, but with deep compassion Toy Maker calls you home. He has sworn never to be angry with you again, never to rebuke you again. He has promised, ‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace ever be removed. I want you.’”

Join the Conversation

What difference could your new relationship to God in Christ make in how you live and in how you love God and others?

Our Father’s Full Provision

Too much Christian living is old covenant living. We consume ourselves with trying to become what we already are, when our present task is to be who we already are.

Too much Christian ministry is old covenant ministry. We minister to Christians as if they are still non-Christians. We counsel saints as if they are still unsaved. We disciple one another as if we are still under the old covenant of law and not the new covenant of grace through which we enjoy our new nurture and our new nature.

Our new covenant salvation in Christ implants within us a new nature and a new nurture. We are cleansed (new purity) and invited in (new family). Sanctification does not involve making myself a saint, but living out my sainthood. It does not involve making myself a child of God, but enjoying my new sonship. The key to our victory is our faith in our new identity. The following narrative speaks to the new you in Christ.

The Vilest Offender

Imagine the vilest offender. As cruel as Hitler, as depraved as Manson, as corrupt as Jack the Ripper. Desperately wicked. Self-deceived. Anti-social. Amoral. Mr. Mass Murderer. The day his trial begins, every major news network, cable news station, news magazine, and newspaper in the country, and hundreds around the world, join the coverage.

Shocking every reporter, every spectator, every member of the jury, and even his own legal team, Mr. Mass Murderer pleads guilty. Begs forgiveness. Asks for mercy.

The Amazing Grace of Justification

Imagine the worldwide outrage as the judge responds, “Not guilty!”

“What a charade! Fool! He just said he was guilty. What is wrong with you? Have you gone mad? Retrial! Ethics probe! He must pay for his crimes.”

“His crimes have been paid for,” the judge retorts. “By my son. I have judged my son in place of Mr. Mass Murderer. They’ve exchanged places. My guiltless son, charged with nothing—his good standing I now transfer to Mr. Mass Murderer who is now free to go.”

The Amazing Grace of Reconciliation

“But he’s still evil through and through. A man like him can never change. He’s a danger to society. He must be locked up. Looked after.”

“He will live with me,” the judge replies. “Enjoying all the privileges my son enjoyed. I’ve adopted Mr. Mass Murderer into my family. He’s my adult son.”

The Amazing Grace of Regeneration

“That guarantees nothing. All your good intentions, all the love in the world, all the good nurture and best environment in the world does not guarantee that Mr. Mass Murderer will not continue his rampage.”

“I’m not finished. Hear me out,” the judge insists. “I’ve consulted the best medical, psychiatric, and psychological experts on the planet. Mr. Mass Murderer will receive a heart, brain, and soul transplant along with a DNA graft infusing into his very being my very nature.”

The Amazing Grace of Redemption

Momentarily silenced. Totally stunned. Then a hand shoots up. “But that only means that he has a clean start. What about all his old acquaintances, his old habits? They will still come around clamoring for his attention, demanding his loyalty and affection.”

“Fair question,” the judge agrees. “We’ve thought of everything. I’ve jailed all his old acquaintances. His foes are defeated. Plus, we’ve infused his new heart, brain, soul, and DNA complex with core power to remain free from and victorious over these past tempters.”

Living Out Our Complete Salvation

You’ve not been watching The Twilight Zone. Not The Outer Limits. Not even reality TV. But reality. Spiritual reality.

God our Judge justifies us, declaring us not guilty, forgiving us our trespasses, and reckoning his Son’s righteousness to our account. The amazing grace of justification.

However, God the Judge could have stopped here—forgiving us and then leaving us on our own. Left to our same old nurture we would return to our old haunts—the world, the flesh, and the Devil. We would continue our maddening quest for relationship apart from God.

But God the Judge takes his legal robes off, replacing them with relaxed family attire and comfy slippers, inviting us into his home, into his family—reconciliation. Forgiveness (justification) as great as it is, would have been hollow had we remained separated from Father. The Judge becomes our adoptive Father, granting us access to his home and all the privileges of adult children. The amazing grace of reconciliation.

Justification and reconciliation combine to form the first perfection of the new covenant—our new nurture. However, as the story of Mr. Mass Murderer correctly indicates, new nurture without new nature is insufficient to change us.

The Judge of the criminal and the Father of the adult son becomes the Creator, Parent, Progenitor, Begetter, Life-giver of a newborn infant—regeneration. Like Father, like son. Born again of incorruptible seed. Born from above to reflect the image of the Creator. Born with a new nature—new soul, mind, will, spirit, emotions. Born with a new heart—new capacities, disposition, inclinations, purity. The old dies. The new lives. The amazing grace of regeneration.

As amazing as all this is, we still need one more salvation grace—redemption. Freedom from the power of sin. Freedom from bondage and slavery to sin. We need victory. Resurrection power. The Judge of the criminal, the Father of the adult son, the Creator of the newborn infant, is also the Champion, Victor, Warrior, General, and King of the overcomer, of the empowered, freed, victorious soldier. Set free from the power of sin and death, united with the resurrection power of Christ. Victorious over the world, the flesh, the Devil, sin, and death. The amazing grace of redemption.

Join the Conversation

In your life and ministry, are you living out the amazing grace of our complete salvation in Christ: justification, reconciliation, regeneration, and redemption?

Note: This post is excerpted from Soul Physicians.